Recently I came to the conclusion that a lot of our men are no longer eager to get married. I believe they have their reasons and like most of them say, they never have enough money for the wedding day and maybe afterwards.
That makes me realize that we may not have prepared our men enough for marriage, to help them understand what measure of blessings are poured down on the man who chooses to take the bull by the horn and trust God enough to go into this institution that has been ordained by God himself.
I am yet to see anyone who consulted God before getting married, and didn’t pull through despite all the lessons that we learn on the way which gives us room to grow up.
I can understand some of the reasons why men don’t want to marry these days, but the one I find strange is when I discover that some men don’t actually want to get married because they are ashamed and very uncomfortable about the size of their penis.
One of the texts I have been bombarded with lately says “Dear sir, can small Penis satisfy a woman with big buttocks? How many inches is long, and what do you consider as short. You may flash me and I will call you so you can tell me”.
I later found out he has not tried to get close to anything called marriage because he thought he will be ridiculed for the rest of his life. What do you make of that? Meanwhile I will like to take you through some of the reasons why some men don’t get married.
1. They can get sex without marriage more easily than in time past.
A lot of men realize now that they can get sex more easily than in times past, when women insisted in getting married before sex. I am a man and I can tell you that a lot of women have lost it when it comes to keeping themselves whole.
I am not so sure who is more promiscuous these days anymore, because it seems women offer sex like no man’s business this time around. There are women now who are sleeping with about 4 men at the same time and probably accommodate more if they can.
When women come to me to tell me how their husband was caught in Adultery, and seek my opinion as per if they should leave him, I always reassure them that most men who commit adultery these days, don’t go out looking for these ladies, but that the ladies seem to be everywhere making themselves available and have removed the fun we men use to have chasing them, since they are just there not to be chased but to be taken and dropped.
When men realize that they can have all the sex they want without getting married, they just don’t see the point GETTING MARRIED.
2. They can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabiting rather than marrying.
I believe it must have come to your attention now that a lot men and women are living together now without being married to each other. It came to my own attention through my counseling sessions.
By the time I ask the lady or man where the husband or wife will be right now, they go like “actually Jerome, I think there is one more thing you need to know and that is we are not legally married, but are just living together”.
Now that blows my mind, because you are not legally married, you are living together and also have a child or two, in Africa, yes in Africa!
I know some of these starts on Campus where a lot of girls are just not staying in their hostels, but have moved in with their boyfriends who probably have a room at the BQ of the lecturer’s Quarters on Campus or in their rented apartment in town, and most of their school mates consider it acceptable.
Please note that this is also happening amongst those who profess to be religious on Campus as well. So continuing in that way of life isn’t a problem later. How do you expect these men to consider getting married when they have found a short cut to it?
3. They want to avoid divorced and its financial risks.
The rate of divorce is on the increase and lot of financial implication to go with it. So the guys figure out why marry if it can cost you more than having a family and catering for them at the end.
4. They want to wait until they are older to have children.
Most men today don’t express “burning desire” for children, saying they are not ready yet. Another factor may be at play, “They know they will have to be there equally with a wife and provide hands-on child care.”
5. They fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromise.
Most of the time you will realize that a man just wants a wife “to look good, provide great sex, join in his recreational activities and tell him he is wonderful, while the Women’s requirements are much broader.” They want affection.
They want to feel loved. They want a great conversationalist, a man who is funny, a good father for their kids, someone who is attractive, a good sexual partner, a man who is ambitious and successful and God fearing.
And most men are simply not” all these things. For them to do this, a lot changes may be required which some men are not just ready for.
6. They are waiting for the perfect soul mate and she hasn’t yet appeared.
Let me describe a SOUL MATE using what D.H. Lawrence said; “You are the Call and I am the Answer. You are the Wish, and I the Fulfillment. You are the Night, and I the Day.
What else? It is perfect enough. It is complete. You and I.” What I realize here is that you may never find a compliment until you are capable of complimenting. Most of the time, we are looking for someone who will compliment us without the intention of complimenting anyone.
I guess we may wait for a perfect soul mate forever until we change our attitude and go out to look for someone to compliment.
7. They face few social pressures to marry.
Men face few social pressures to marry compared to what the females have to face. So at the end of the day, they don’t think it’s a big deal after all. One reason young men balk at marriage is “they don’t yet get it”, the problem is they just don’t realize what is in it for them.
We have not done a good job of selling marriage to men. They don’t know all the good things that will change their lives. Married men are healthier than single men, wealthier, they live longer and happier lives, they have more sex, they have somebody who knows them, and tolerates them anyway.
8. They are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children.
Most of the time single men are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children for a lot of reasons and one of them being that his family will object to it, the other reason could be that he begins to wonder how many men she has been with and abortions she has had before being forced to have the child with her now, and yet another reason can be that, he is not sure he will be comfortable with her having any form of contact with the father or fathers of the child/children when he is married to her.
Men feel this way forgetting that they can be worse when we talk in terms of morality. It’s more of the case of the pot calling the kettle black. Unfortunately they get away with it, because no one is holding them to ransom.
9. They want to own a house before they get a wife.
So some men say, but it’s just another way to avoid becoming a responsible person. What a lot of men may not realize is that marriage is a vision that is bigger than who they are and all they have to do is give themselves to it with the Almighty God as a witness and then begin building together with their wives as they obtain favor from the Lord.
Men have to realize that when we are children age 0-11 we have privileges, then from age 12-21 we retain our privileges through responsibilities e.g. if you want to take your father’s car out, be ready to refill the tank after using up the fuel in it otherwise, don’t ask for it the next day since you are not ready to be responsible.
Then from age 21- what we have left is responsibilities, and a lot of us fear that, I mean being responsible. So you find a lot of irresponsible men out there, who can change if we start to prepare our younger generation for the real life out there.
10. They want to enjoy single life as long as they can.
Well, some people just don’t want to grow up, do they?
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