The longer that women delay serious relationships, marriage, and families, the worse it becomes for themselves as well as society in general. And the longer that both men and women do so, the harder it will become to conceive — and the greater the chance that their children will be born with physical or mental disorders since eggs and sperm start deteriorate in a person’s late twenties, and gets worse in the forties.
As I look around me, I see a lot of Single mothers. Some single mother by choice, others because the father of their child/children left or died, or the mothers themselves had to leave for reasons best known to them. I remember just a few years ago that most Single Mothers were Teenagers. Teenagers who were vulnerable and taken advantage of by strange men or Teenagers who didn’t like their families and thought the best away to leave their homes was by getting pregnant for a guy they believe loves them silly and would like to eventually marry them, after all he is the only man they have ever slept with or known so intimately. But to their greatest shock, this lover guy denies them and even swears in front of her parents and his that he has never been with her or even knows her. And so we had so many Teenagers then who got pregnant, and because the Family culture was strong at that time, had their babies, others because they were afraid of dying in an Abortion Clinic, but not today when even a thirteen year old knows she can get Postinor as an emergency contraception. So most Teenagers don’t get pregnant like that anymore, and that doesn’t mean they are not sleeping around either. Yet we still have more Single Mothers on the increase. Now who are these Single Mothers and why are they on the increase?
Our New Single Mothers are definitely not Teenagers, they are old enough to have Teenagers as their own children, but at between 36 -56 years are just having children that are between 2- 5 years, who should have been their Grandchildren by now if they had had children when they first dreamt of having them.
So what’s going on? Well most women want to be mothers anyway. While some matured Single Ladies have given themselves to taking care of their nieces and nephews, they still feel dark and empty inside wishing they can have their own “ONOME” which means “MY OWN”, and believe me are going to any extent to do that now. Most of these women have tried getting Married, but have found out that most men out there today are just “PROJECTS”, and nothing much to write home about, so why get married to just anything that will be an extra burden on you for the rest of your short life here on Earth? Most Ladies will rather go for artificial insemination now, than have to put up with one loser of a man who has nothing to offer them, but rather take everything they have ever had away at the end of the day.
Some Ladies who come to me within this age bracket say to me that “Jerome, I know you Match make, but I want different kind of Matchmaking. I want to know if you have progressive men, preferably married who wouldn’t mind getting me pregnant and that’s all I want, I don’t want his money, because I have mine. I just want to know who the Father of my Child is. The child doesn’t need to even answer his name so it won’t bring problems in his Marriage, or for his children, I just want to know who I am getting pregnant for, and he doesn’t have to be a Nigerian if you don’t get a Nigerian Man. This kind of Man must be progressive in life Jerome, because I don’t want my Child’s father to be a failure so it won’t affect the child in future, and we have to start going for deliverance here and there later in life. Can you do that for me Jerome? And in case you don’t find anyone on time Jerome, can you fill in for me, can you agree with me to get pregnant, I promise never to disturb you, your wife Lawrenta or your Children”.
Do I run this as part of my services? Well let that be between myself and my Clients. What I am trying to make you realize here is the pressure your older aunties, daughters, sisters, cousins, colleagues etc are going through to have children of their own even if marriage is not possible. Haven’t you noticed that most of these ladies are just coming up with one child or the other now, and won’t talk about who the father is? The most common and answer you get if you are the kind of person who doesn’t mind his or her business when you ask is “oh the father is dead, but we were never married”, then you feel more foolish for asking, because by the time you hear that, what are you going to do about it other than to say “oh sorry”, with your big mouth, and wished you never asked, because there’s nothing you can do about it. But then if you also don’t ask, they will say you are a hypocrite when you live her house, so I guess you do what will make your conscience clear o jare.
Have you noticed some big babes now travel abroad a lot these days? That is where some of them meet dudes, shag them, and never even tell him they are pregnant, because their intention is not to rope any guy with pregnancy, but to just have a child of their own, and when they are pregnant at 42, and don’t want to talk about it, which parent these days will start asking “who are you pregnant for?” or “take us to the house of the man that impregnated you”. Her mother will rather start to rejoice that her daughter is even pregnant at that age knowing that her daughter’s pregnancy at that age is even a Miracle to say the least. And when the child is born and whole, that is another miracle, because as you grow older, there are chances of not having a child that is even whole we have been told by medical experts in O & G.
But how do people get to this point of desperation in their lives? Well that is an article for another day. The fact is, this is what is happening to some of our older Aunties, Daughters, Sisters etc right now that are only not married, but also don’t have a Child. I am not even proffering solutions; I am only first making you aware of their temptations and struggles which are many at this time of their lives.