My girl promised me a threesome for my birthday

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Dear Bunmi,
I recently had a get-together in my flat and we were all happy and merry. During a ribbing session, my girlfriend and her good friend promised to take part in a threesome with me. She said it could be a present for my forthcoming birthday. That was almost a month ago and it’s still not happening, even though my birthday was last week.

When I reminded my girlfriend of her promise, she told me to shut up. Yet I’ve spoken to her friend and she’s still all for it She said she’s done it before and it’s good fun. My girlfriend says she loves me, but if she does, why renege on her promise?

Folusho
By e-mail

Dear Folusho,
As a rule of the thumb, promises made whilst drunk are not worth a thing. After the third glass of whatever, all bets are off! I suspect your girlfriend made her promise because it seemed like a good idea at the time. Now in the cold light of day, a threesome with her friend doesn’t seem quite appealing.

If having a threesome is such a big deal for you, then perhaps you are dating the wrong girl. She doesn’t want one and you should respect her decision.

I take too long come

Dear Bunmi,
I find it difficult to ejaculate easily and can have sex with nothing happening for a long time. My girlfriend is now getting frustrated because she says I wear off all her lubrication and make her sore. I don’t know what the problem is as I have no problem masturbating.
Chuks
By e-mail

Dear Chuks,
A small fraction of men have difficulty reaching orgasm. For most of these men, it’ll be only temporary, but for some, it can be due to an underlying health problem like diabetes. Prescription drugs can also delay ejaculation as can too much alcohol. When you masturbate, you know how to touch yourself to get the best feel. Teaching a girlfriend to stimulate you the same way may also help your performance.  For some men, it is more in the mind with worries about the relationship or with their orgasmic reflex being criticized.

Is his preference safe?

Dear Bunmi,
I am a happily married woman and enjoy sex with my husband. I recently started an affair and though I enjoy sex with my lover too, he seems to prefer oral sex more, because, according to him, it is safer.

He has other girlfriends and I’m afraid of giving my husband any sexually transmitted disease. So how safe do you think oral sex is?
Lady
By e-mail

Dear Lady,

I am afraid oral sex is not as safe as you think. A number of sexually transmitted infections, including chlamydia and thrush are known to have been spread through oral sex especially if you’ve got ulcers, bleeding gum, or cuts in your mouth. Chlamydia is known in medical circle as the silent sexual disease because it is hard to detect and has virtually no symptoms. It can leave women infertile though a new vaccine has just been developed, which is in its early stage.

There have also been a few cases of people catching HIV through oral sex. So why not stop playing with fire by sticking with your husband with whom you enjoy sex? Safe sex is the best protection against STD.

I want to lose my virginity

Dear Bunmi,
I will be celebrating my 18th birthday soon. I have been going out with my boyfriend for some time now and I am still a virgin. However, I have promised to have sex with him after my 18th birthday and have told him to buy some condoms as I don’t want to be saddled with an unwanted pregnancy.

I am sill a student and my parents are old-fashioned, so I can’t ask my mum about contraception. My boyfriend said I shouldn’t worry as I couldn’t possibly get pregnant the first time I have sex. Is he right?
Blanca
By e-mail

Dear Blanca,
There is absolutely nothing stopping you from getting pregnant when you have sex be it your first or your hundredth.
When puberty begins, your ovaries start producing eggs. The result? Your first period. Apart from the odd occasion, everyone who has a period produces an egg, and so there’s always a chance of getting pregnant.

So until you make a solid arrangement with your boyfriend as to the best form of contraception to adopt, I would put sex on hold for now if I were you. 18 is a bit too young to be anxious about sex. If your boyfriend keeps on putting on the pressure, dump him and look for a more patient man.

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