HOW PREPARED ARE YOU FOR MARRIAGE?

I am convinced that a lot of people want to get married but I am not certain if they are really prepared for it. It is true that a lot of single people are looking for eligible partners for marriage but the question is: how many people are ready to make themselves the right man or woman for marriage?

Preparation for marriage means getting yourself ready, in so many ways, to share your life with another. If you have chosen to share your life with another, then you have to make sure that the quality of life you want to share is worth it at the end of the day. Talking about quality of life, you may want to ask yourself: how sound am I?

lSpiritually (this does not refer to merely identifying with a place of worship). Rather, it’s about having a personal conviction that God exists and that He rewards those who diligently seek Him.

lEmotionally (meaning you feel good about yourself and can confidently handle how others feel about you with maturity).

lPsychologically (your thoughts are not out of balance. Your perception of issues, things, persons and events are in the right balance. No aspect of your life is dysfunctional so you can adjust properly to your work, personal life, important persons in your life, money etc.).

lFinancially (you have acquired skills that enable you to meet other people’s needs and they, in turn, pay you for a job well done. You are able to budget and prioritise your needs in a manner that enables you to spend appropriately; based on values and not greed. You invest and watch money work for you instead of you always working for money).

lIntellectually (you have the capacity to acquire information that facilitate continuous development in every area of your life; dowsing causes of incessant worries).

If you make yourself the right person instead of always looking for the right person, you will find out that half of your problem in preparing and seeking for a life partner is well solved.

Now, the major thing in preparation is that you must be a person of truth. Without truth, you can never start the journey of love. You need Truth to make way for trust, without which there can never be growth in a relationship. People that can’t trust each other can’t grow together. What’s the point being in a relationship (marital or premarital) in which both of you can’t grow together?

Also, people who don’t trust each other can’t have respect for each other. Tell me, how can mutual consideration happen where respect is absent?

When I see you as a truthful person and find out that I can always trust you, I begin to have a measure of respect for you that makes me to like you enough to be in love with you. At this point, I can share anything and everything with you; which brings me to the level of intimacy.

People think that when they have sex with someone, they have become intimate with that person but that is a big lie we must not continue to buy.

I can get very intimate with you by sharing truth with you, learning to trust you in return because you also tell me the truth; thus encouraging my respect for you to grow in much the same way that I position myself as a trustworthy person also worthy of respect.

At this point, if you look at me and say “I love you”, I don’t think you are joking. I know you know what you are talking about and if I say I love you too, then deep inside me, I know that I know what I am talking about and not just saying it because it is the right thing to say since we are in a romantic relationship.

Today, I can tell you that a lot of us have so much work to do on and with ourselves. Most of us are not truthful to ourselves. We are so comfortable lying about who we are, what we should be doing, who we should be that when we lie to others, we may not realise that we are lying. This is certainly even more dangerous. That is what a lot of us are experiencing in relationships right now.

Someone comes to me and says, “Jerome, I just found out that everything he told me about himself was a lie.” Then you ask how long she has been with him and she says that they’ve been together for three years. Then you ask how come she didn’t know and she tells you that he naturally lives a lie; that he doesn’t even know when he is lying anymore because, it comes naturally to him. Now, such a person needs help. Let’s consider our ways.

Someone else comes and says, “In fact, Jerome, he is everything I have ever wanted in a man. He is strong and can control me. He makes decisions for us and I like that in a man. He is able to tell me off when I am wrong; he creates opportunities for me and helps me to look into the future. I just thank God I found him.”

My dear girl, you are such a habitual liar that you don’t even know when you are lying to yourself anymore. This man you are talking about is married and has a wife and family. He lives in the company of his wife so, why do you want to crowd up their lives? Haven’t you heard that two is a company and three is a crowd? Alright, keep deceiving yourself until the rain is gone and then, maybe, you can see clearly then.