On your marks! Tell lies! Marry!

I sit back these days and wonder why telling lies seems to be in vogue. When I was growing up, it was a shameful thing to lie; and, if you were caught, you are on your own, because there’s a probability that one of your parents will expose you and get all the other children in the neighborhood to mock with songs openly. I tell you, the experience could leave one with nightmares and make you hate lies. But things have changed now; even parents could be a child’s No. 1 fan when it comes to encourage him or her to tell lies.

People are not ashamed of telling lies anymore; even in public places. For instance, you are in a public transport – on your way to Abuja. This guy beside you receives a phone call. You will be shocked to discover that he doesn’t give a damn about other passengers as he goes on telling a litany of lies, leaving most of the passengers aghast.

You may ask how I know he had lied. Well, he told the caller that he is down with flu and is on his bed! Some other times, you hear people on the phone saying that they are somewhere very different from where they really are. All these really send shivers down my spine. You can imagine what I have to go through working with people; these same people.

I was in Abuja once when a potential lady client came to see me in my hotel so that I may interview her and know if she’s the kind of person I would like to work for with regards to ‘The Matchmaking Programme’.

When we were through, I decided to see her off to the door as is my custom. Then, I realized that she was somewhat uncomfortable about my gesture; I asked her if she was okay and she replied in the affirmative adding that she would be more comfortable if she left on her own.

Of course, I was curious so, I tried to find out to find out why. I learnt some guy had actually brought her over and she wouldn’t want him to see me. I probed a little further to know what kind of relationship she had with the guy and, reluctantly, she told me that he is her boyfriend.

I stood there speechless, wondering if what she said was what I heard. When I recovered enough to face the reality that my potential client was brought over by her boyfriend to seek the service of a matchmaker, I made her sit back at the reception and we started another round of counseling. I learnt from her that she has been dating this guy for some time but he wasn’t making any move towards marriage despite the fact that he is single. But, he has been very nice to her.

In her confusion, she decided to look elsewhere so that she wouldn’t put her eggs in one basket using her own words. Now, that is what I call lying! I agree with so many things here but disagree with the fact that she made her boyfriend bring her to seek another potential guy for a potential relationship. Why didn’t she just call off the relationship with this Poor Guy!

You see, it’s not only men who lie, after all. Women lie too and when they do, it’s usually so perfectly done that it will take the help of God for you to find out.

I was at a women’s meeting once at Honeycomb Hotel, Wuse Zone 7, Abuja, when a good female friend of mine said openly that one thing she is sure of is that while it is easy for you to catch a man who is into adultery, it may take forever for you to discover that a woman has been cheating on you all along. You know what? I couldn’t agree less. She is quite right about that.

That is why I pity men, who instead of spending time loving their spouses or fiancées, spend time distrusting them because they can’t trust themselves. Women can be good with lies and better than men when it comes to telling it but I’m sure we can prevent that from happening when we find out and meet the emotional needs of our woman.

Be careful to note that no two women are the same or have the same emotional needs. One woman may have a need for Loyalty, while for another, it may be Space. I am talking about emotional needs here; not developmental needs. We have been told to cherish before attempting to nourish our women. [That's a topic for another day].

Back to issue at hand. Until the encounter I had with that lady, I did not know that it was a common practice amongst ladies to keep two or three boyfriends at the same time these days. And, they often sleep with each of them!

Now, that scares me because I am in a fix. I don’t do this work alone. I work with God. You may fool me but can you fool God? You may fool yourself, but can you fool God?

Most of us have laid a faulty foundation for ourselves and, unfortunately, we have also chosen to go on building on it. I hope we won’t start singing very soon “atishoo! atishoo! Most men are fantastic and full of prospects. But my counsel: don’t lie to these ladies. The ones who will marry you even without a dime in your pocket will and you will never be a disappointment to them.

I have heard people say something like: “After all she did for him when he had no money, now he goes around with different ladies just because he now has some change in his pocket”.

Maybe you need to know something about men; whether he has money or not, before and especially during midlife, he will find himself chasing women and this has nothing to do with the fact that he hates you or is tired of you. In other words, it’s not about you. It’s just a crisis moment in his life that he may not be able to explain. Unless a counsellor sits him down to tell him what is happening to him at this time of his life and why he may need to stay away from other women especially at this period of his life.

I need to warn pastors that sleep around; the women will mention your name when they visit counselors! They won’t just mention yours alone; your name will tumble out of their lips alongside others that they have slept with like the man who sells drugs at the pharmacy, the guy who helps them to procure visa, their male hair dresser and you their pastor. Is that what you want?

We cannot find a worthy life partner when we are not done with a life of lies. Marriage requires more than anything else, TRUTH! And, I am sure that with God’s help, those who seek it with all their heart will not only find Truth, they will discover that it can become their nature.

For counselling with Jerome on relationships, marriage and career, call 08037194335 or 08053537663. Don’t forget to add me as friend on FACEBOOK as Jerome Yaovi Codjo-Onipede.