By Bunmi Sofola
I was stunned but overjoyed when I won a two million naira promo of one of the telecoms companies. My name and pictures were in the papersÂ and a few days after my win, my ex-fiancee got in touch and asked to see me again. She was the one who broke off the engagement two years ago and I was devastated when it happened.
Now sheâ€™s told me sheâ€™d never stopped lovingÂ me. I still love her and seeing her again has brought back all the lovingÂ we shared. Iâ€™d like to give our relationship another go but I have this nagging feeling she only came back because of the money. She didnâ€™t mention my wind-fall and I havenâ€™t discussed it with her either. What do you think?
Your fianceeâ€™s sudden re-appearance after two years apart, and after your fortunes have changed, sounds a bit dodgy to me. You didnâ€™t say why she left you or if any of the issues then, hers and yours, have been resolved. Iâ€™ll advise you to take things very carefully. In the meantime, seek some financial advice, invest your money and donâ€™t do anything rash. If your ex can prove in other ways that her change of heart is genuine and not motivated by money, then I wish you every happiness. But tread softly!
Do you think he gave me herpes?
My boyfriend of over a year was so unreliable that I called off the relationship. It was after we split up that I heard the rumour that most of his exes complained of being infected by him. I was so scared that I went for a medical check-up and the doctor told me I had herpes.
He gave me some medicine and antibacterial cream but I was too embarrassed to ask him any questions because I donâ€™t even know what herpes is all about! Will it go away after my treatment?
Herpes is a virus like the one that can cause cold sores. Itâ€™s contracted by having sex with someone who has the problem, or even by having oral sex with someone who has cold sores. There are often no obvious symptoms, so you did very well to have a check-up.
The real problem is the fact that herpes is contagious; sometimes you donâ€™t even have any symptoms. And the virus is with you for life once youâ€™ve contracted it. So you need to get your partner to always use a condom during sex unless he already has the condition. All that said, herpes is easily treatable. If you do get the symptoms, your doctor can give you tablets or creams and the outbreaks will get milder as you get older.
I didnâ€™t greive when my husband died
I was married for over 20 years but my husband died towards the end of last year. Before he even fell ill, he had got himself .a girlfriend who was pregnant for him. As a result of this, he made life almost unbearable for me and the children.
He was making plans to make her a second wife when he fell ill and was hospitalized. He had even warned that I should look for a place to live with my children as he meant to move to the new house with this woman. On paper, the house belonged to him though I gave him all the financial support I could when he was building it.
To cut a long story short, he died suddenly, and God forgive me, I was ecstatic when I learnt of his death. I shed no tears for him at his funeral and people believed I was still in shock. I knew better. It was more of good riddance to bad rubbish. I felt guilty though, that I couldnâ€™t even cry for a man I had spent the best years of my life with and with whom I had four children. I am a good Christian and I would want a way to get over the bitterness of thinking that if he hadnâ€™t died, my children and I would have been almost destitute.
It could be really harmful when dreams you have had over the years become rubbished. As hard as this sounds, you have to remember the good times you shared with your dead husband. Can your church help? Sometimes, speaking to a priest in your church could bring the relief you never suspected you could have. The man is now dead and is immune to whatever bitterness you harbour.
In the meantime, you should learn to move on with your life. Even if he hadnâ€™t died, you would have discovered that you wouldnâ€™t be destitute. At least, some of your children are now grown and might be in a position to help. In the meantime, think only positive thoughts. Believe me, you will eventually get over your resentment-you just have to be willing to let go of it.
Is it wrong to fancy other men?
Iâ€™m in a steady relationship with a guy I met three years ago, and I love him. Lately, however, Iâ€™ve been looking more and more at other men. Does this mean Iâ€™m falling out of love with my man?
Experts agree that eighteen months to two years into a relationship is a testing time. Up until then, delicious love hormones have been pumping through your bodies, keeping you both infatuated and â€˜in lustâ€™. They wear off anywhere from 9 to 18 months and the result is that you both come back down to earth with a bigÂ thump, feeling flat and like youâ€™re fallen out of love.
Only you havenâ€™t;Â itâ€™s just that the chemical high is no longer there, and you can’t rely on lust tapping you on the shoulder.
Nowâ€™s the time to officially work at your sex life! This means investing in a few good sex books and trying new things. Give up the myth that love is enough to keep you sexually attracted to each other – itâ€™s not.