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Learn how to accommodate in your relationship

By Folake Anina
We spend so much time on marriage and relationships, but unfortunately many women do not realize that in relationships especially marriage, for you to be a total success, you must appreciate the fact that that man did not just appear on planet earth. Someone birthed him, someone raised him, he grew up with certain people, he probably has brothers and sisters.

Many women just believe that because they are married to a man or in a relationship with a man, they must not have anything to do with any other person but them. Capish!

Unfortunately, that is nothing but immaturity, and stupidity. Infact, there is a way one could reflect on this and all you see is wickedness. Today I will be limited to the mother-in-law.

It is so sad that many women ignorantly move into marriage with a view of  “I am not sharing my husband with anyone, and his mother might as well go to blazes”.

The truth?  This woman birthed this man, and raised him to be what you saw and fell in love with. If you closed your eyes for one second and imagine all she went through to get him to be a man, you would agree that this woman deserves your kudos.

Many women have heard stories of nasty mothers in law, and they go into marriage ready for battle. They put the man in a spot, and want to make him choose between their mother and the wife.

The truth? There is no competition. A mother is a mother. You cannot take that from her anyhow. You must be prepared, instead of competing, just to accept her not as a mother-in-law, but as your mother. You must move into marriage with a mindset to love.

I agree that there are very many nasty women, and some mothers just do not want to let go of their sons. All they want to do is control him even in marriage. I know we have heard stories of how mean some mother-in law are, and no matter what the wife does, they just cannot get enough. I know we have heard so many miserable stories. Today, I am assuming that we have a normal situation where the man has a ‘regular’ conventional mum.

Many women because of the mishandling of this relationship have antagonized their mothers in law so much, that instead of the relationship and friendship they should be enjoying, there is war.

I guess the first thing every woman should realize is that mothers would always love their sons. You wait till you have a son if you do not already have one. You would know, even if you do not show it, your sons have a special place in your heart.

No excuse though to try to control and manipulate them when and after  they get married. The truth is that most women do not know how and when to let go. To every woman I say, learn and prepare to release your sons at the appropriate time.

You can express the love you have for him by getting on your knees in continuous intercession for him and his family, but you cannot act like you own him, because that would be manipulation, and it is not right.

Well now to the wifey. Even if you had a mother-in-law who does not know how to let go, remember this. There is no woman you cannot win with love. First and foremost, you must realize that life just duplicated your family. So you must accept your husbands family including his parents as yours.
It might help you if a I take you into the minds of most mothers. Noone wants to be shut out of their children’s lives. At the same time, many women when their children get married appreciate the fact that a man must leave his father and his mother and cleave to their wives, so at that point in time, they are actually ready to let go, and let the wife takeover.

But wifey  comes in with that air  of “ I got him now, so mama back off” .Wifey begins to show off and show mama that her son love her more than he loves his mum, and she really does not want mama anywhere near them. The truth is why not? That is what most mothers want.  A man must love his wife. But the fact that he loves his wife should not take the place of his mother in his heart.

Every woman must encourage a man to love and honour his parents. Many mothers-in law do not go out looking for trouble. All they want is a daughter not a rival in their son’s wives. They want to be
acknowledged and respected and honored by the wife. A smart wife know that a when the man gets married, the baton is actually is handed over to her. A wives place is so totally different from a mothers place. You have the man 24/7.

The twenty minutes or one hour you would spend in his parents house or they would spend with you when they visit does not snatch him away from you. You should see that  period as a period of sowing good seeds into your own old age and spoil them.

Notwithstanding, I am not saying there are no wicked and evil women, but if that is who your mother-in law is there must be something good in her that birthed the man you love. Win her with love, and ignore her shortcomings. It is possible. Good luck


Disclaimer

Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.