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Is sex starvation best protest against your spouse?

By Bridget Amaraegbu

Sex is like a lubricant in every marriage. Statistics have shown that most marriages break up because they lack good sex.  The figure also shows that most marriages would have weathered other storms if their sex lives were okay. Even with all the satisfaction and joy we assume to achieve in marriage through sex, some couples still find it worthy to deny their partners this precious gift as a sign of protest for reasons which many people have described as unjustifiable. Is it right in any way for couples to starve their partners of sex? Find out the answers as they’re here already.

Sex is an act of  settlement — Adaora Ukoh, Actress
I don’t think it’s right to starve one’s partner of sex because anybody can get tempted to commit sin when starved of sex. There are a lot more ways of protest than starving our partners of sex because sex is a thing of the mind, and once the mind is tuned to the fact that it doesn’t want to have it, nothing can be done to enjoy it.

Adaora

One of the partners can decide to do a little shakara which can be allowed but it shouldn’t last longer than necessary.
Outright denial is serious molestation. In fact, sex should be used as an act of  settlement and not otherwise. God has given us that to tie the bond and companionship in our marriages. When we deny our partners the opportunity to feel at home with us, then we’re sending a negative signal that they can go and make do with whatever they can get out there, which may not be to our credit in anyway. We must try to get all the satisfactions at home to avoid getting involved in sex scandals outside .

Apart from those who outrightly deny their partners sex, there are other cases where men and women alike fail to clean up. They appear so dirty and disgusting that their partners find it difficult to have sexual intercourse with them. This group of people is not only starving its partners but has failed in its duties. Married people, especially, women should always look smarter than they were before they got married. There are lots of ways a woman in the age of child bearing can  look attractive. I mean funky, so much that her neighbours will prefer to call her ‘funky mama’ instead of the usual ‘mama/Iya this or that’.

A woman once said that her husband stopped having sex with her for about  three years now and I wondered how that is possible. My conclusion was that something must have gone wrong somewhere along the line. Maybe, they have some unsettled grudges, don’t find themselves attractive anymore or they’re both having extra-marital affairs. Three years’ gap is just too much for any marriage to survive. Sex should serve as a bond and companionship.


Absolutely wrong — Segun Arinze, Actor

It is totally and absolutely wrong for either of the couples to do a thing like that. Why are they man and wife if they just cannot understand themselves and settle their differences amicably? Must the protest come in the form of starvation? There are other ways one can show that he or she is not happy with a partner, except it’s a health condition, which is understandable such that nobody can question. Sex is not something that should be lacking in a marriage for any funny reason because it can lead to so many other atrocities, or even a complete collapse of the union if not properly handled.

Segun Arinze


Islam forbids such act — Suleiman Kazeem

Ah! It’s not allowed at all in Islam. In fact, the law says that my wife should be my wrapper to cover me from cold. So, when she denies me sex for any reason, she has failed that obligation, likewise myself.

Both the court, Islam or Church forbids such things because it is the same ‘I do’ that’s being said when two people are joined together in any of these places. And ‘I do’ means I’m willing. In fact, it’s a sin in the Islamic law for either party to deny each other sex. Some people could engage in it for protest while others do it because they must have been engaged in several other affairs before getting home (men especially) which is wrong. That is why the Islamic law allows one to take more than one wife instead of having several concubines outside. I know that every other religion will equally forbid the act because it is like denying yourself the fruit of life.


Wrong school of thought—
Ijeoma Imoh, Actress

I don’t agree with that school of thought. There are other ways one can pin his/her spouse down to get whatever one wants depending on who is involved. Sex is one thing that people who’re really crazy about it can go to anywhere to get, if they can’t get it from the right source. Both men and women  should be careful with issues such as sex. If a woman subjects her husband to this kind of protest, he could look for a girlfriend for a substitute or at worse, go to a prostitute, which can result in the transmission of some sexual diseases. What happens when a man subjects his wife to this life style? She could also be pushed to the wall, which may equally result into some form of infidelity. So, let’s seek better ways to dialogue and iron out issues apart from using sex,  for it’ll not be to our advantage.

Sex, not a medium of  protest — Naomi Kayode

Why use something that God has used to bless your home as a medium of protest? I don’t think it’s wise. What if you have a partner who does not really care whether he gets it at home or not, I mean a promiscuous partner? While you’re busy hoarding it in protest, your spouse is having great fun outside.

So, you’re losing out. No matter how bad things may appear, it’s better to talk them over and move on with life. Your partner may get used to this style of protest and ignore you. What if this continues till he/she finds another partner? Then you stand to lose.


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Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.