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Some Companies Have It, Many Don’t

Who are you and who do you want to be?  What direction are you moving in life?  It is vital to become clear on this.  Knowing the answers to these questions will guide you to making wise choices in who you allow to be part of your journey.

I have often encouraged you to look closely at the Voices of Influence that you are allowing to affect your thoughts, moods and actions.  What have you found?  How many are negative, how many positive?  How many are voices you carry with you from the past?  Isn’t it amazing how one critical remark from a parent or a school teacher is still echoing through your brain!

Now that you have become aware, what are you going to do about what you learned?    We are the ones who choose how often we interact with people, how much time we spend with them and the extent to which their energy mixes with ours.  You are not a victim.  You are a powerful decision maker about what you experience in life.
You can shape your relationships to offer you positive support.

Let’s focus this week on the myriad choices we have.  Almost invariably, there are more options available than we realize.  Here are a few possibilities for healthy relating that you might be overlooking.

1.Talk with a person when you are ready to.  Must you pick up the phone when a friend or family member calls you?  Only if you want to.  You are not obligated to talk at that particular moment.   Especially with those people who tend to deplete you, you choose the time for interaction.  Call back when it feels best to you.  If you do it when you feel more peaceful and prepared, the communication will go better.

2.Limit the length of the conversations (or expand them if they are uplifting).  If you are going to talk to a person and you really don’t want to have a long interaction, be clear about that as you go into the phone call or meeting.   Let the person know up front, “I only have a few minutes to talk….” If the person talks away, feel free to kindly interrupt and say, “I’m going to have to run (to my appointment).  Let’s talk at another time.”

3.Give more time to the positive; less time to the negative.  Isn’t it ironic that many of us offer much of our time to people who exhaust us?

Why?   We do this unconsciously—out of habit.   Now that this is come to your attention, you can’t make that excuse anymore!  Increase the frequency and length of time you spend with people who uplift, encourage and support you.  Decrease your time with those who drag you down.  Don’t feel bad about doing this.  Those who sap your energy can always find new people to interact with.

4.Form new patterns of conversing.  If you no longer desire to participate in gossiping, judging or complaining, let your friends and family members know.  When the negative begins, try to redirect the focus.  If you are unsuccessful, gracefully excuse yourself.  You aren’t obligated to join in.   You are moving forward and choosing new behaviors so that you gain more time and energy to create joy, love and beauty in your life.  Your friends might very well decide to join you.

5.View the “negative voices” in your life in a new way.  You don’t have to be drained by people who repeatedly drag you down.  Instead, be willing to see them with compassion.  See that they are stuck in patterns maintained by their personal pain and limiting beliefs.  Perhaps their negativity is a cry for help.  By seeing beyond their worry or machismo to their spiritual essence, you open the space for them to begin to see themselves differently.  Even if you never say a word, they will sense they are being seen in a different way.  Then, your interactions with them can change.

6.If necessary, make significant adjustments.  If a particular person is going in a direction that feels uncomfortable for you, it is ok to let this person move out of your life.

It needn’t cause a drama.  It can be a loving, purposeful choice to part ways.  You don’t need to express to them what you are doing; you can simply begin to move in a new direction.  Remember, moving away is about you and creating the journey you want.  As you do it, offer them a silent blessing.

7.Be honest about how you feel.  Honesty opens the door to shifting the dynamics in relationships.  When you speak from the heart, you are giving a gift.  People can’t read your mind.

Don’t assume they can.  Use, “I” statements like “I could use some encouragement” rather than a “You” statement like, “You never encourage me.” Guilt and blame only interfere.  Simply express your feelings.  Then listen. Creating open lines of communication in your difficult relationships can bring surprising transformation.

8.Know your hot buttons and open to healing them.  Some of our friends are great at pushing our buttons.  Actually, what I should say is that we are great at letting people push our buttons.  If we didn’t have a hot button to begin with, there wouldn’t be one to push.

I often use the example that salt poured on an open wound burns like fire; salt poured on healed skin, can be simply brushed off.  Notice the people who trigger anger, frustration, worry and despair.  What is it inside you that causes you to respond this way?  By looking at the strong reactions you have, you will begin to see the deep inner wounds you carry.  Ask spirit to guide you in healing.

Clarify your direction.  Set a clear, conscious intention to make wise choices in your interactions with people whose Voices are currently influencing you.  Then notice how the Divine supports you by giving you just the right word or inspired idea.   Open to letting go of relationships that no longer serve your highest good.  Trust that as you move forward new supportive companions will naturally appear on your path.

Remember: consciously or unconsciously you are creating your life.  Become aware of the voices influencing you and make wise choices!

Please contact me if you need a speaker to motivate your employees to greater levels of excellence or to inspire an audience at your special event.  Stay in touch with me on Facebook and Twitter.  Sign up for free daily, inspirational emails by visiting  www.patriciaomoqui.com .  Put your email address into the red box called Food For Thought.


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Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.