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Now that we ‘ve found love, What are we going to do with it?

Do you know that it is dysfunctional to believe you are in love with a man who has a wife in the house and hope that some day, he will divorce his wife and marry you?

Do you know that it is dysfunctional to say that you are in love with a man who beats you every day and hope that he will change when you marry him? Do you know that it is dysfunctional to believe your girlfriend will stop sleeping around as soon as she becomes your wife? Do you know that it is dysfunctional for you to believe that your boyfriend who smokes marijuana will ‘give his life to Christ’ and quit smoking when you become his wife? And yes, the list can be endless.

My aim is not to focus on what we do that makes us appear dysfunctional, but to make us realise that because most of us are dysfunctional today, when we find love, we are not usually able to do much with it. Then, we start blaming the other person for not making the relationship didn’t work. When you see the way ladies give sex freely today, you are bound to say: “

Yes, we sure really have problems now.” I am talking about ladies who have good jobs and sleep with about three to four men at the same time; and, each man thinks that she is sleeping with him alone. What is she looking for, you may ask. Well, love she says in our counseling sessions.

Good for the men, don’t you think? Probably it’s payback time because, the men started those kind of moves first. But, definitely not good for women to indulge in that kind of lifestyle either.

People have always asked: “How do you know that what you have is real love”? I believe that despite the fact that real love may make you start like a fool or make you look foolish at first, it has the capacity to make you take wise decisions in the end. It makes you know when to stop giving money to your boyfriend over and over again and tell him to get a job or stop seeing you. Now, that does not mean you don’t love him. It only means your foolishness brought you to him and your wisdom is now saying: “We can do better as adults.”

What if he doesn’t meet up with the normal standard of living (because it is said that he that does not work should not eat, not to even talk of having a relationship or even getting married)? Well, God just delivered you from a permanent imbecile. You can as well say ‘good riddance to bad rubbish’.

What if you found out that he was taking hard drugs, like some young executives do today, in order to meet up with the high demands of today’s high profile work? Well, you may need to tell him that both of you will need to take a break so he can see a psychiatrist for the time being and that when he is fit and does not need anything extra to function as a complete man, if you are still available, both of you may get back into the relationship and consider even taking it to the next level.

But, never give him the impression that you will always be there for him because, you may have come into his life as the only person capable of confronting his recklessness and challenging him to do so too.

Now, that is what I call wisdom that comes from the foolishness of love. What if your girlfriend can’t leave the company of awon boys, but always tells you that majority of her friends are males, even before she met you? You may let her know that you want a friend and not a Hollywood, Bollywod or Nollywood girl – who is always acting love scenes with different men.

What if such people are ready to get help and come back? I guess that is one of the many things that real love is all about; it makes us to want to become better people so we can complement someone we consider to be the best person we will ever know. Counseling has a way of making us think better, see things differently and wakes up the passion in us to live up to our full potentials. Get the counseling you need if you are facing any of these or related challenges.


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Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.