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Breaking the ties of love (3)

Hi,
It is a fact that
divorce rate is on the increase across the globe. Worse still, research shows it is going to be higher than ever recorded this year. Unfortunately also for us in this part, is the fact that young men and women are no longer really enthusiastic about marriage. Fewer people are getting married these days.

Interestingly, in some climes such as the Uk, firms are already getting prepared for the challenges of divorce increase. Over the Christmas holidays, Debenhams, a household retail chain_store, launched it divorce gift items list. Similar to the wedding and baby shower gift list, people can now actually shop for gifts items for friends who are getting separated or divorced to help them settle back into single life.

Another UK law firm also recently launched its divorce advice free ticket. With this, the firm offers free counselling and advice to couples on how best to go about their divorce, including sharing of assets.

Since the world is now a global village and Nigeria is not isolated in the statistics considering goings on in the society, Onozure Dania opted to go and sample the opinion of respondents on why they think divorce is on the increase. Her reports debuts from today.

Please feel free to send in your views/opinions/contributions on this issue, or any other topic you have read on this column. It is never too late to have your say. You may also send in a  story of your own choice, but based on a true life story. Our address remains: The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos. Or e_mail address: humananglepage@yahoo.com Happy reading!!

Joy, (35), Business woman believes women must learn to persever:
You see, these days, women are not patient enough, that’s the truth. You cannot have everything at a particular time. At times, they come and at other times, things don’t come the way we want them. But you just have to bear with your husband and  respectfully too.

Some people may get married to rich men, but after a short while, things drop. While the going was good and the money flowed, they will respect him.  But when things slow down, they will change. They will no longer respect him. Then they will start comparing him with other people, asking him to look at himself and his mates. Many women are fond of this behaviour and it is not good. Only a few men can tolerate this attitude.

It could also be that their wives have changed and before you know it, the whole thing will just pack up. Some women love sleeping around just to make money. They want good cars, good clothes, and all sorts, and if their men cannot afford it, this might just lead to the destruction of the marriage.

Unfortunately, there are some women out there, who, even though they are comfortable, still sleep around.  For these women, even if their husbands are comfortable and provide them their needs, it will never be enough. Their greed is insatiable. Even where you give them diamond worth a million dollars, they will still want more. Such women will continue to sleep around and nag their husbands into frustration, leading to the breaking up of the marriage.

Another reason is that , in this part of the world, it is a man’s world. A man can wake up one morning and marry a second wife if he wishes. But you as a woman, you have to be submissive and keep watching.  Abroad, it’s a woman’s world, but here, oh, it’s a  man’s world.

Abroad, if the marriage is over, you will have a lot of things to gain.  But here, if the marriage is over, you will have nothing to gain.  That is why I said its  a man’s world. Even if you got married in the law court and it is over tomorrow, there is nothing to gain. So as a woman, you have to be submissive, tolerant and just follow your husband at all cost.

So, I don’t think if you see your husband cheating on you, there is need to fight outside or quarrel, just wait for him to come back home. We are taught to respect our husbands, I don’t know if it is old fashioned, but you must respect your husband.  Two wrongs can not make a right. It is better you calm down and allow him to come back home, then confront him. If you respect your self and respect your husband, I’m sure he will respect you back.

In the cases of men who beat up their wives, such women should take to their heels, if not, they will die there. But then, when things get to that level in the case of men who had never raised their hands at their women, it is important to ask “what happened to my husband, why is he now like this”.

Where you cannot find answers, then take to your heels, because it is rare, except the man is broke or something has happened.  For instance, a man in my neighbourhood caught his wife cheating on him. This man was a very good man, and so did not send his wife away, but he started beating her up at any slight excuse.  So, there is always a reason for everything. A man who loves his wife, does not just wake up and start beating her.

However, there are cases of men who are just fond of beating up women. Usually, this would have started gradually while they were still courting. A few slaps once a while, then, it gradually develops into real beatings. Such men will not stop at anytime after the marriage. If you know a man like that, please run away from him, he is not your husband. When a man beats you while you are dating him, then he is not good enough to be your husband.

In the olden days, people said marriage was sweet and interesting, not like we have it today. But I say that just like those days, marriage today is still sweet and interesting. This is because, there are still some women who go through stress and pains in their marriages and they still remain committed and devoted in those marriages till the end. It is only women who cannot endure that are giving bad names to marriage.

Marriage is a life long contract. You saw the man and fell in love, so whatever comes out of it, you must bear and stick by him. That is the only way a woman can become a conqueror. So, once you realise that there is no where to go once married, you will learn to persevere. In those days, we hardly hear about divorce. Not that it wasn’t going on, but it was not as rampant as we now have it.

When I was growing up, I knew a lot of women that left their husbands. Its just that now we hear it more because we read it in the papers and all that. Technology has improved everything. And it is the effect that we are seeing.


Disclaimer

Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.