By Bunmi Sofola
I met and fell in love with a man who is a couple of years younger than 1 am then married him shortly after. Iâ€™m in my early fifties and my four grown up children were against him from day one because they didnâ€™t feel enough time had passed since their dad died.
My current husband is not an easy man to get along with. He was made redundant just after we got married and is into contractual business that doesnâ€™t seem to be bringing in anything substantial.
Sometimes he frightens me, accusing me of staring at other men when weâ€™re out or insisting Iâ€™ve said something when I know I havenâ€™t. If I disagree with him. he goes berserk. Most of the time, I take it, but every now and then, I have to run away. Then we miss each other and I end up getting back to him.
Weâ€™ve split up some eight times already because of the rift between him and my family. In fact Iâ€™m currently staying with my eldest daughter as I write. My family says heâ€™s dangerous and spineless and that I shouldnâ€™t even think of going back. What do you think?
I donâ€™t think you should go back to the life you were living, but thatâ€™s not to say your marriage is over. It sounds as though its never really had a chance and your husbandâ€™s tendency to control everything may be worse because of your family threatening to come between you. Itâ€™s time for a new start for you all. Begin by getting your family together and telling them that youâ€™re going to try and sort things out and need their help and not their interference. Then make an effort to talk to your husband or arrange for people he respects to counsel him.
If you canâ€™t live together, then you should move to a neutral residence away from your family. In the meantime, make a vow that you will be happy whatever it takes. Since your first husbandâ€™s death, youâ€™ve been hounded by everyone; now start making your own decisions and abiding by them.
My husband made me a laughing stock
After I discovered I was pregnant, my boyfriend of two years decided we should get married. I now have an 18- month-old son and my husband is in a hot affair with this woman he knew before we got married. As a matter of fact, almost everybody we knew were aware of the affair, yet no one told me especially since she is well known to me I feel betrayed by everyone and have left my matrimonial home. I would have gone mad if I had stayed.
Your friends who knew of your husbandâ€™s affair and kept quiet didnâ€™t do so out of nastiness but fear of what might happen if the truth came out. They were afraid to be honest with you in case you turned on them and they might also be wary of interfering in your relationship, hoping that marriage might change your husband for the better.
Your husband is the love rat here and while you now have to get over his deceit, donâ€™t think your friends betrayed you too. They obviously believed they were doing their best for you.
I’m cut out of Mum’s will
My mum single handedly raised the two of us as our dad wasnâ€™t all that responsible. I was mumâ€™s favorite because I was able to go to the university on scholarship. I have a great job, am happily married with three lovely kids while my younger sister has spent her life hopping from one unprofitable business to the other. She spent her life scrounging so she would raise her two kids.
Our mum died a few months ago and I was shocked to learn she left her three bedroom flat and everything in it to my younger sister because â€œshe needs them most.â€ Iâ€™m gutted and disappointed. She could at least have left me something in memory of her.
You can seek legal advice to see if you can contest the will. But if you canâ€™t, bear in mind that, although your mum may have spent all her life feeling proud of you and all youâ€™ve achieved, she may have been quite worried about your sister.
At the very end, she may have felt guilty that you were her favorite and she wasnâ€™t, thatâ€™s almost certainly what motivated her to make her will the way she did. You already live in your own house, have a good job, lovely kids whilst she struggles on. Her will might be a way of adjusting the imbalance.
This shouldnâ€™t make any difference to how cheated you feel about your inheritance, but it may make a difference as to whether you feel she loved you. And with time, that will be what matters most.