By Folake Aina
This week, I am really addressing the young women, especially the undergraduates. That you have chosen to get educated, you will soon find out, is one of the greatest and wisest decisions that you would ever make. Most of you feel you had no choice. It was just the way it was. You finished in secondary school, and your parents/guardian just ensured that you got into the university.
It was like there was no other way. As much as you feel it was your parents or guardian that influenced your decision, the ultimate choice was yours. You could have fallen by the way side, but you did not. You could have got pregnant, and messed up your life, but you did not.
You really could have decided not to study, and failed all your examinations, but you did not. You chose to do well in your examinations, and get into the university. You chose to add value to yourself. No matter who influenced those decisions, you made the choice.
We all know that we are the sum total of the choices that we make. That you are in the university should not be under-estimated or taken for granted. That alone just makes you special. It is so obvious that from where you are now, the sky is the limit. You are definitely going somewhere to happen. By just being in theÂ university, you have keyed into clique of those that just cannot be brushed aside with the wave of the hand. When you step into a place, intelligence and class is written all over you. When you open your mouth to speak, every-one knows that nothing but wisdom would come out of your mouth.
You really are so special, and the sad thing is that most of the ladies do not seem to understand that. I really do not know what is going on these days. Most undergraduates are so hooked on the fact that they have to get married that they have totally lost out on the fun that is expected in courtship, and the guys are complaining. A guy sees a chick that he likes, he is still an undergraduate too, and all she wants to know is when he is going to propose. You must realize that there is a time and season for everything. All this guy wants is friendship.Â He is at a stage in his life where he is just getting his stuff together.
He has not even began to make a living yet. Donâ€™t scare good guys away with your â€œI must get marriedâ€ mentality. Of course you will get married, but for right now focus on succeeding and learning. Instead of focusing now on getting married, focus right now on learning .
It is at this stage of your life that you can perfect every thing that would make you super in your marriage when you do get married. You learn to cook, you learn how to drive, if you do not already know how to, you learn what it is to serve God. There is so much you need, to make sure that your foundation is solid. Come on !!! Have fun. Go out! Meet people, be the best.
Much as you do not realize it, you build most of your future network in the university. Increase your network. Be the best you can be. Enjoy whatever relationship you have and stop putting pressure on the poor guy and have fun. If you do not enjoy yourselves now, when to you think you would actually be able to put out time to do it.Â And please do not get me wrong. Enjoy yourself does not mean promiscuity. There are too many things to do on campus that you can enjoy. Enjoying being together and talking about every thing there is to talk about is fun.
I have always told women in relationships, generally that much as you would not agree to go out with a guy that you areÂ not attracted to, or a guy that you cannot imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with,Â do not move into a relationship calculating marriage. Have you not noticed that most of the guys on campus are â€˜soloâ€™. They just cannot add all that stress to the stress of getting to be a man and proving themselves academically. The guys know that eventually they would settle down, get married and have kids.
But with all due respect, guys are so chicken at that stage that when you flaunt that reality at them, they just bail out. You know the story. He just stops calling, he stops answering your phone calls, he stops coming to your hostel. If you ask his friends, they just give you some silly excuse for his behavior, but within themselves, they jist and they know it is because you were getting way too serious.
You should never do that to yourself. Turn the chips around. You should be the one telling the guy to chill, because he is getting too serious. Believe me, if you are just the best you can be, enjoying your relationship, that is what will happen. You will be telling him to give you space, and take things easy. Too much has been invested in you. Please do not waste it.