Jerome Yaovi Codjo-Onipede
Dear Mr. Jerome,
You’ve really been a wonderful counselor. I’ve had opportunity of watching your programme on TV. I also read your column in the papers.
I am a 34 years old woman; a Christian living in Abuja. I’ve had one or two relationships which didn’t lead to marriage. I am on the big side and I’ve been so worried thinking this is the reason for my inability to get a suitable man to marry me. I have undergone several slimming programmes, taken different drugs, and still on one therapy now but none of them has helped in any way.
I even fast for days and eat less on other days but the result is the same. I will love to be part of your Singles Network but I don’t know how and what the requirements are. Thank you so very much for the work you’re doing in the life of singles. God bless you.
Looking forward to hearing from you, Sir.
My dear concerned sister,
Thanks for your mail. I know from experience as a matchmaker that a lot of men would rather request for slim girls, but that’s also because they don’t have time for friendship these days; otherwise many men will rather go for persons than bodies.
Nevertheless, I commend you for your efforts to lose some weight as it will be useful for your health. You must note, though, that if you are fat and have healthy self esteem, you may not need to lose so much weight. I hold the view that what most people need to lose today is the negative attitude they have towards themselves and not necessarily their physical weight. Let me know if
you are interested in further consultations with me.
This has been a big issue for me as a matchmaker. To be candid with you, I am yet to see a male client who has requested for a fat lady for marriage or a lady on the big side. One point my male clients make in their forms or during discussions is: â€œJerome, I don’t want any lady on the big side, please.â€
At some point it bothered me because I have a lot of beautiful ladies on the big side as clients. Rather than tell the ladies what these men prefer, I tell them to wait and be more patient, and instead of depending on men who come to me on their own, I go out in search of men who would rather want ladies on the big side as I have come to realise that what is poisonous to one can be meat for another.
But why do men prefer slim ladies over the fat ones? Some men have complained that the ladies on the big side snore a lot, while others say that penile penetration during sex with ladies on the big side could be difficult. Still on sex, men have also complained that ladies on the big side are not flexible enough and that they get easily tired during intercourse and are quick to sleep off.
I have also been told that ladies on the big side don’t easily find clothes or styles that look good on them. But the most comical part of this is that I have never also had ladies on the big side who have requested for a fat man or one with a big stomach. As a matter of fact, no female client of mine wants a man with a protruding stomach. They have the opinion that fat men have small manhood and also have problems when it comes to smooching, not to talk of penetration. The women also complain that fat men snore like volcanoes.
Well, while these in my opinion may be issues we need to consider when it comes to choosing a life partner, I am sure that there are more serious issues that need consideration like bad breath, strong body odour and frequent sneezing. In fact, in the last case, those concerned wonder how they didn’t die from the odour that permeates the air as a result of frequent sneezing.
There is nowhere in the Good Book where God says â€œI will give you out in marriage or get you someone to marry youâ€; meaning that God never promised anyone of us marriage, He, at least, has made it clear that it is not good for man to be alone. He created the male and female and said that someday a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. So, every man is to seek his own wife and not another’s if he so desires and vice versa.
It is the duty of the man to do the finding while God does the joining. Remember, â€œWhat God has joined together, let no man put asunder.â€ Today, men want God to do the finding and he, the man, to do the joining!
When you ask him why he is not married yet, you may most likely hear him say that God hasn’t provided him a wife yet but the same man joins himself to as many women of easy virtue as possible through sexual promiscuity.
Hey! How did we get here? I thought we were talking about fat girls. Yeah, going back to that, I believe there are more serious issues than fat men and fat ladies. The Good Book has warned us not to associate with certain people, not to talk of finding them for marriage or bringing them to the altar for joining. Amongst such people is the man or woman who tells lies, one who has temperament issues and people who are lazy.
I believe men and women with these attitudes could be more dangerous than fat men and women or what do you think? Most of the time, I think where we have a weight problem is not in our physical bodies, but in our minds, our psyches, our emotions and most importantly our consciences.
A lot of people go about life with guilt for what they believe they have done wrong directly or indirectly. Some believe that if they were not born, their parents won’t be suffering like they are today. Some others believe that their parents got a divorce because of them.
These people may see themselves as sources of other people’s suffering. Others carry the guilt of what they have done wrong for a long time, refusing to ask for God’s forgiveness or receive grace to forgive themselves. Consequently, they become too heavy, emotionally, to have a good relationship with anyone.
They end up using one sin to cover up another and though they may be slim and fair in complexion, as many men want their women to be today, these ladies may feel so low when it comes to self esteem. Conversely, a fat and dark complexioned lady may have a healthy self esteem and be so much in love with herself that any man who is mature enough not to judge people before he meets them will not only find out that not all fat women snore, but that they can be fantastic friends and lovers to have.
What tells you that your dream slim girl will not add physical weight later in life. By the time she realises that it was not her you wanted but what you considered to be in vogue, because you didn’t have enough courage to marry someone you can call your friend, what do you think will happen?
Let’s get real in 2010 as we choose to celebrate friendships and marriages.
Plan to attend the best Valentine ball you will get on Feb ruary 14, where marriages will be refreshed with practical love among married couples. Singles that are searching may come face to face with the largest network of working class singles in one place! Call 08037194335 or 08053537663 for details. Call the same numbers for counseling appointments on marriage, relationships and career.