By Emma Okocha
[At the Kirikiri Naval base of the Vanguard Regiment, enter the officers and men of the Regiment….
led by the Adjutant, Major Olabisi-Olakankita, Major 419 Oboh-Utueke, Col. Naira-Abubakar, the GSO,
Veteran Major General One -leg Atamuna, the Prince from Igalaland. Already in command and on the rostrum is the Base Commander, Admiral Kai Kai Resource Control Omoregie]
Major Olabisi-Olakankita:[without any promptings reads the strep] Officers and men of the Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Vanguard Kirikiri Command, we have an Emergency. The GOC is Kidnapped!!
Major 419 Oboh-Utueke: Chineke!…..Impossible! The Adjutant is a joker….a 41 Niner.
Major General One Leg Atamuna: If it is true, then the VKC is hereby disbanded. An army without a GOC is a rabbit force.
Admiral KKK Omoregie: Officers and men of the VKC, the Adjutant is not joking. The GOC was kidnapped in the early hours and flown across the Atlantic to an undisclosed location.
The Headquarters confirmed the abduction and as of now we have no word on the exact location of the GOC or his abductors.
Major Olabisi-Olakankita: Radio messages put the GOC status as very sick and in a support machine in the Jeddash desert. He is handcuffed and guarded by Berber Bozo and imported Fulani cattle herdsmen. I hear his wife is not perturbed .
She is still busy running around making preparations for another State sponsored wedding of one of their daughters.
Another INT report sent in this morning reveal that the GOC is now at the Okija shrine forest, where he is being guarded by those terrible Okoro masquerades, described by Achebe in his Things Fall Apart.
Over to you Major 419, please relate the names of those your peoples’ masquerades…like the bee these spirits are always angry and whenever they are annoyed they release smoke from their ugly heads and innocent trees on their path catch fire, scatter and shoot their branches to bewildered onlookers. Â As the massive trunks are violently uprooted, they fall and break to pieces!!
Major 419 Oboh-Utueke: Â Otakagu from Imo, Ajofia-Ekwensu from Uli, Mgbadike, Ndiofemmili, Ejionu, Abagana, Iya-Agba-Oku , Ajo-mmawu, ndiWawa.
Sir, I pray he is not at the Ok shrine for these are the devil’s messengers. My own 419 contacts disclose that the GOC is in a London hotel and if the regiment pays his ransom, the GOC will be released unharmed to your custody. Â I’m not making this up, the internet is replete with all the information the Command is seeking.
Infact, the GOC has in his recent SOS statement from a London hotel to the regiment, prayed his friends and foes to accede to the demands of his kidnappers.
Col. Naira-Abubakir: Sir, this is Alhaji-Zanisu numbers. Give the orders and he will open one of the special CBN vaults and the GOC travail will be over. Chikena.
Olabisi-Olakankita: Sir I had warned the GOC and the regiment to desist from calling the cases that would land my Obama ears to AkwuUkwu-Akumazi and my Akinyele tongue, plucked from my mouth and taken to that woman in Offa, Kwara state.
Remember, I warned about dabbling in cases involving the great Ogidigbam or pointing fingers against that blood thirsty retired General who after some 40 years of organizing the brutal death of his Commander in Chief and his Ibadan host, is still very unrepentant and would at the slightest opportunity draw his Taraba dagger against any probing eyes. I really don’t care about the whereabouts of the stubborn GOC. Anytime the courtmarshal is reading ….Ogidigbam Vs the People of Delta, Olabisi-Olakankita the true son of his father, will declare, No Jurisdiction!
General One Leg Atamuna: In the true traditions of the military, there is no other option than to return fire with fire. If these bloody civilians would abduct a serving GOC then they have gone too far.
We have [looking away from the Parade Grounds] already on our side ; the Civil Society, the Fourth Estate platoon, the students committed company, the market women battalion, and the starving about to die masses division.
On the other side, jeering at us, and shouting, ‘Rule of Law,’ are the fat cats lawyers brigade. This country sinks all the oil money to these leeches, the lawyers, bankers, politicians while forgetting to take care of its engineers, doctors, teachers, and other professionals on the productive sector.
Olabisi-Olankankita: We cannot do anything. The mission is beyond definition. Who are you fighting and for what? Â This is the only country in the world were we have more Generals than other ranks. In your own Navy, Sir, most of your peers cannot swim and there are very few frigates, yet every month we promote everybody to the rank of Admirals. Admirals without fighting ships.
Admiral KKK Omoregie: Operation Amumah Thunder is hereby proclaimed . Major 419 Oboh-Utueke you have 24hours to confirm presence and secure the release of the GOC from the Okija shrine confines. 24 hours without the GOC or news of his whereabout, obliterate the shrine! Col. Naira-Abubakir, you have till Christmas to find your way to the Jeddash desert confinement of the GOC. The VKR with the support and logistics of the Civil Society expect you to reach the sick GOC and confirm his exact status.
If he is breathing untie him and bring him home and stop every state sponsored weddings. Â He has to decide whether to continue in office or to check out and give his tired body some rest.
Admiral KKK Omoregie from the Royal House of the Kingdom of Benin, the Empire that ruled from the Niger to her source in Futa Jallon, will never negotiate with terrorists, 419 or the anti Christ Brigade. The GOC must be returned to base dead or alive!!
For those Opposite People; Tribunal lawyers, egunje judges, rigging dirty politicians etc; who are doing things against our people, Fela Anipulakpo Kuti, Amadioha, Amuma Thunder will break your thieving necks!!
This is the Zero hour. Major 414 Oboh- Utueke, Col. Naira Abubakir, Good Luck and Fall Out!!