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I slept with my friend’s bloke

By Bunmi Sofola
Dear Bunmi,
I recently attended my close friend’s birthday party in her house and met her boyfriend. They’d been on for a few months but that was the first time I met him in the flesh. After a few drinks, I went to use her toilet upstairs and found myself alone with him.

He grabbed and kissed me and we had sex there and then. You can imagine how embarrassed I was a few days later when my friend tongue-lashed me for seducing her boyfriend. She said he ‘confessed’. Can we ever be friends again? I like her so much and regrets what I’ve done.
Amaka
By e-mail.

Dear Amaka,    ;;   :
You really have been disloyal to your friend and what happened between you and her boyfriend at the party will probably spell the end of your friendship. On the other hand, it takes two to cheat. So your friend’s man is just as guilty as you are, if not more so.

It’s best to keep out of the way for now while they sort things out between them Then write an apology letter to your friend and wait for a reply. If one arrives, arrange to meet up and do your best to put your friendship back on course. Only, don’t be surprised if she doesn’t bother getting in touch with you. All I know is that a man who easily sleeps with his girl’s friend would trip up again sooner or later.

I still lust after him!

Dear Bunmi,
I am over 25 and haven’t been able to find a suitable boyfriend for close to two years now and I feel sexually frustrated. A few months ago, I met a man at work and I was immediately attracted to him. One Saturday morning, he turned up in my flat and we had mind- blowing sex! Soon after, he got a better job and relocated outside Lagos.

He confessed when he called that he now lives with his girlfriend but made it clear that he still fancies me. I don’t want to break up the relation with his girlfriend but if he’s hellbent on being unfaithful, why shouldn’t it be with me when I want him so badly?
Tara
By e-mail

Dear Tara,
Don’t even think about it! This man is living with someone else. Popping round one morning for a quickie is no basis whatsoever for any kind of satisfactory relationship. Nothing is purely physical. You’re both human beings with hearts, souls and all sorts of emotions.

Don’t imagine you can indulge sexually without your feelings becoming involved. This is a recipe for a heartache and heartbreak- for you and for him. Why not spend some time looking inwards?

Try working out the reason why you haven’t had a boyfriend in two years.

Pin down the problem and apply your energy to finding a man of your own instead of tinkering with someone else’s.

Is my best friend fed up with me?

Dear Bunmi,
I’ve been close to my best friend from our primary school years and we used to have lots of fun. She got married early this year and had a child shortly after. Now, she hardly ever returns my calls and makes excuses if I suggest coming over or going out together. Can I rekindle our friendship? I kind of missed her.
Marie,
By e-mail

Dear Marie,
When one friend goes through a major life change, such as getting married and having a baby, friendship suffers. Remember that your friend is busy with new responsibilities, so try and bring the issue into the open. Ask if she wants to keep in touch and discuss ways of meeting that might be easier for her.

Perhaps she can’t see you at night because of her new family but would love to meet you at lunchtime. Realise that when you make the same life change, the pair of you will have something in common again and may renew the friendship.

So stop assuming the worst. Your friend may be backing off because she’s jealous of the freedom you have, so don’t take her action personally. Friendships often fade and it’s no one’s fault.

Don’t overreact because if your friend feels blamed, she’s less likely to want to keep in touch. It’s not the end of the world whatever happens. There are other friendships waiting for you if you’re open to them.


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Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.