By Folake Aina
Is there any way that we women can â€˜cornerâ€™ this weeks article and prevent the men from reading it since we have all discovered this column hasÂ most menâ€™s favorite column. This week, I really want to address women. This is we, coming together as women and telling ourselves the truth. We owe that to each other.
I have always told you that life is so delicate. You cannot afford to take steps anyhow.Â Every step you take must be calculated. You must know why you take any step. You must know where you are and where you are going. It is risky business to take uncalculated steps. You just cannot take steps any how.
I hope I have the attention of every woman. We need to talkâ€¦ woman to woman. I have received quite a number of e-mails from men.
Some of the mails are complaining about some women, some are actually reporting women. When things get to this stage, we talk.
We advise and counsel ourselves. I got this mail from this man who claims to be worried about the value that women place on marriage these days.
He claims to be â€˜very well marriedâ€™ but that he has a few girlfriends and that all of them are married and these married girlfriends of his are having this affair with him right from under the roof of their husbands. He saysÂ there is nothing as safe as a relationship with a married woman, because she would not tell anybody about it, she does not want to be seen in public with him and he knows for sure that his wife or pastor would not hear about it.Â I know some women are ready to crucify this man.
What makes it alright for him as a married man to have extra-marital relationships and not alright for a woman.
Let us leave that for some â€œman to menâ€ column or article to deal with . That is not our preoccupation today. The fact still remains someÂ Â Â Â Â ( they say many)married women are sleeping around. For a woman to be married and allow some other man to climb on top of her is an abomination.
Listen to me today. Marriage is a very powerful covenant. It is a commitment . When you chose to say â€œI doâ€ , one of the things you were saying was that you are committed from that day on to have sex only with the man you are getting married to. You handed over your body and the whole of your being to him, and you were conscious when you did it.
As a married woman you must consciously make up your mind not to get carried away.
So a man makes a pass at you, and you lose your cool. Even mad women on the streetsâ€¦ I mean lunatics have men who makes passes at themâ€¦ I am sure we have seen or heard of lunatics who got pregnant. As long as you are willing, and available, there will always be a man ready to â€œscratch your backâ€. But move out of that situation, and perceive it from afar.
I mean, disentangle yourself from the situation, and imagine that it was happening to someone else. It is nothing but filth. Yorubas call it â€œabashaâ€.
It is dirty. It is shameful. Even if we close our eyes to themoral aspect the only reason many women practice it is that they are so confident that they cannot be caught. You must have some scruples. Whatever you cannot do in the presence of a million people, avoid it. If you imagine how the story would sound when it comes out, you would not even go there.
Only shameless women practice such. As much as you even think you are discreet, you cannot be discreet. Some people would be aware of it and see you as the slut that you are. The driver that drives you or the â€˜ogaâ€™ to the hideouts, the hotel staff etc.
No matter what you are going through in your marriage, adultery is not an option. As much I am not a great advocate for divorce, I am saying here that you just cannot eat your cake and have it.
If you must sleep with another man, you have the option to get a divorce first.
That is more honorable. You cannot imagine what you are doing to your husband when you commit adultery. It is like you are castrating him. Making a fool of him in public. If you have children together, you are also opening the children up to shame and mockery. No one wants to be the son or the daughter of a harlot. No matter how good it looks, that is exactly what you have turned yourself into. A harlot.
Listen!!! Leave the men and what some of them do alone for now. You are â€˜WOMANâ€™. You carry the womb. Your maker bestowed on you the honor of conception and childbirth. No normal man can boast of that. That is what makes you so special.
You canâ€™t turn yourself into a public dump. No excuse for any married woman to sleep around. I agree that some women are in terrible marriages and the men are almost running them to a mad house. You feel that the way out is to find solace in another mans arms. Wait till that relationship turns sour and he begins to treat you like garbage. It is not worth it.
Every married woman should make up their minds to stay faithful to the covenant of marriage.