By Bridget Amaraegbu ( firstname.lastname@example.org )
Ngozi, an unmarriedÂ teenage mother had her first baby three years ago.Â To her dismay today, she is pregnant for her second baby. How Â Â Â Â Â Â could this have happened and how is she going to cope?Â The single mother remembered the heart break, severe pains and agony that trailed her first pregnancy following the refusal ofÂ her boyfriend, Charles, to accept responsibility of the child.
Can she do it again on her own or should she succumb to the demand of an elderly divorcee who has no child and is willing to give anything to marry her and take care of the unborn baby? What would people think of her? Do you think itâ€™s wrong for Ngozi to marry this man with her pregnancy? Find out what the stars have to say. Excerpts:
Outright adoption, the answer â€” Obiwon, Musician
Iâ€™m not going to say whether it is right or wrong for a man to marry a pregnant woman but the man who does so should have it at the back of his mind that the biological father of this child might come for his child someday in the future. Also, remember that God has a way of blessing his people. So, itâ€™s possible for the man who married this pregnant woman to have more children from the woman if heâ€™s able to take good care of the child, not minding the fact that he is not the biological father. If heâ€™s able to have more children from this woman, it would then be easier for him to release my child to me whenever I come for him or her.
The truth remains that every reasonable man will want to have his child back, no matter the circumstance that led him to deny the pregnancy in the past. If Iâ€™m in the shoes of this biological father weâ€™re talking about, Iâ€™ll surely do my best to get the child back. But it has to follow a gradual process. Iâ€™m not going to fight the woman whoâ€™s the mother of my child to claim this childÂ because I rejected her in the past, and Iâ€™ll not also fight the man who adopted my baby because if not for him, only God knows what could have become of this mother and child. So, itâ€™s going to take a whole gradual process because I donâ€™t even expect the child to forgive me.
So, Iâ€™ll start by asking for their forgiveness, and if theyâ€™re able to forgive me, I can now extend my request to at least visiting the child and making him or her realise that Iâ€™m truly sorry for my actions in the past.
Yes, I donâ€™t expect them to forgive me immediately but I know that with time, the child will get to realise that any other man could have made a similar mistake. So, I should be forgiven. And if they refuse to forgive me after all my effort to reconcile with them, then Iâ€™ll let go because in this case, the child has a right to choose whom to stay with.
So, I canâ€™t force myself on him if he doesnâ€™t want me. But I know that someday, the child will want to see me when he or she is grown up and realises that thereâ€™s a biological father somewhere. Thereâ€™s no way the child will not look for me, especially when itâ€™s a male child. Even if the child in question is a female, a day will come when sheâ€™ll still have to look for her biological father.
But Iâ€™ll want to use this opportunity to advise all those whoâ€™re planning any form of adoption to avoid all the trouble that could come with issues relating to this. So, the best thing to do will be to go through outright adoption. When you do that, you actually do not know the real parents of the baby youâ€™ve adopted. Though in our own part of the world, people frown at any story related to child adoption, I still think itâ€™s better than marrying a pregnant woman where you have to go through all the fight with the biological father and mother of the baby.
Our level of exposure has not got to that stage where we can associate with persons of different cultural backgrounds as if weâ€™re one and I pray that we get there soon because every man created in the image and likeness of God is one.
For the young men amongst us who want to play a fast game, always remember to play safe and if you impregnate a woman for any reason, carry your cross. Shoulder your responsibility to avoid crying and fighting for your baby in the future.
Nothingâ€™s wrong with it â€” Etcetera, Musician
I donâ€™t see anything wrong in marrying a pregnant woman. If I impregnated a woman and refused to take custody of the pregnancy, it means I should be able to let her have custody of the baby. I understand that she must have passed through so much pain because I denied her in the first place. So, it will only be humane for me not to hurt her anymore by wanting to claim the child in the future. Iâ€™ll let her leave peacefully with the child wherever and with whoever she pleases because I didnâ€™t play my own role when it was necessary.
Besides, I donâ€™t see anything wrong if this child is happy staying with the mother and the adopted father, if heâ€™s well taken care of. I will only be tempted to go for the baby if he or she is being maltreated in anyway. But if the child is given a sound education and lacks nothing, then there will be no need to bother myself about the child. Donâ€™t forget that by so doing, I would have solved someoneâ€™s problem somewhere and life is all about being happy.
My child is not for sale â€” Guy P, Musician
My dear, whether I denied the pregnancy or not,Â Â Â Iâ€™ll not allow another man to take custody of my child. Once Iâ€™m able to identify the whereabouts of this child, I must recover him or her because he or she is my blood and wonâ€™t live with a foreigner. Yes, I may have made the mistake of denying the pregnancy as a young man who wasnâ€™t ready to settle down but that does not mean Iâ€™m interested in selling my child to any man.
Iâ€™ll do whatever I can to have my child back. Whether the people involved are wealthy, influential or not, they wonâ€™t intimidate me. Even if the child refuses to stay with me, Iâ€™ll still do my best to get him back.
A mistake with deadly consequences â€” Scott Robert, Actor
Look, any man who goes as far as marrying a pregnant woman is making a big mistake because itâ€™s not only likely that the biological owner of the pregnancy will come back for his child but itâ€™s a must that this child will someday look for his or her father.
Let me speak for myself and the truth is, if I impregnate any woman, even if sheâ€™s a cripple, Iâ€™ll marry her because I canâ€™t imagine my own blood in a foreign land. So, I wonâ€™t give any man that opportunity of wanting to own my child for any reason. For those guys who shy away from their responsibility, I think something is wrong with them somehow. Sometimes, I ask myself why would any man deny his pregnancy and allow the woman to suffer alone? If you think youâ€™re not old enough to father a child, then youâ€™re not man enough to take a woman to bed or where have all the condoms in Naija gone to?
Thereâ€™s something I want to let you know and that is that even the young man who refused to take responsibility of a particular woman whom he had impregnated will surely come back for his child in future. Any man who decides to marry a pregnant woman will only succeed if the real owner of the pregnancy never got to know about it. Even if you have to marry a pregnant little girl because you donâ€™t have a child, you should allow her put to bed and marry her later. Donâ€™t marry another manâ€™s blood. I advise you because if you do, youâ€™ll surely face the consequences.
A risky venture â€” Emmanuel Ojo, Graphic artist
My friend, please donâ€™t try to do any such thing.
Yes, it is possible that the owner of this pregnancy in question may not be willing to accept it for now but danger lies ahead because the real owner of the pregnancy will surely come for it someday in the future.
Iâ€™m not saying thereâ€™s anything wrong with marrying a pregnant woman if she gives you her consent. But Iâ€™m looking at what the future holds for the man who decides to marry another manâ€™s pregnancy. Donâ€™t forget that the real owner of the pregnancy could make a comeback in future and the consequences,Â you never really can tell because thereâ€™s every likelihood that the baby may not have an option than to go with his biological father, especially now that we have the DNA test at our finger tips. Even if the biological father did not come for this child, the child could go looking for him if he gets any signal that heâ€™s living in a foreign land. So, I think itâ€™s a very risky venture to go into.
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