By Emma Okocha
Inside the Kirikiri base of the Vanguard Regiment …enter the Adjutant-General, Major Olabisi Olakankita, Major 419 Oboh Utueke, Col. Naira AbubakarÂ the GSO, General One Leg Atamuma, veteran officer of the regiment, Prince to the Royal House of the Kingdom of Igallaland, and quickly taking charge of the parade and gleaming in white butter naval decks, is the Base Commander recently promoted to the Deputy Commander In Chief; Navy Admiral, Kia Kia Resource Control OmoRegie, respected Prince of the Benin Empire…
Major Olabisi Olakakinta: Parade is formed up Sir…..
Admiral KK Omoregie: Major, Whatâ€™s the sitrep?
Major Olakankita: Sir, earthquakes and earthquakes, by the time one tremor is about to subside another one shakes the whole foundation. From that your Commanderâ€™s stand you may fall off to the ground, if you permit me to release the latest sitrep reaching our Kirikiri Base Command. Sir, your former boss the Navy Admiral, the former Governor, former member of the Military Ruling Council, Zonal Chairman MPDP,Â former Chairman, Ports Authority, Lagos Boy, Politician, Author, Writer, Footballer, Third Term Joker, Philosopher and Arrangee is here. And trust the wicked correction officers [Wada]…. they threw him in from the Black Maria after spending one hour slapping his fat ass.
Admiral KK Omoregie: Major Aswere! You must stop now. This man was an Admiral of the proud Navy. The King is buried alive! What an abomination.
Major Oboh 419 Utueke: May God have mercy on this Kirikiri Admiral…. By the time those khaki and khaki, wicked
Wadas and the Kirikiri landlords; most of them convicted armed robbers, body parts traders, cannibals, shrine worshipers, kidnappers, and innocent freedom fighters of MOSSOP, MASSOP, OPC, AREWA tendencies, finish their drills on him, he will forget he was ex-this and ex-that. All these Human Rights people complaining that the 3 months sentence is not enough for this government thief should go in there for just one night. By the following day, your left ass will not be the same weight with your right ass. I say this because I was there. These armed robbers have some hot attraction for any fresh ass. Send me anywhere but never to Kirikiri!
General One Leg Atamuna: Major, my signals reads a different sitrep. We are here for the courtmarshal of the Inspector-Deputy Rabadudu and I suggest we tie his case with that of the former Delta Niger Sherif alias Ogidigbam!
Major Olabisi Olakakinta: [Pulling off his cap, and abandoning the Parade] Sir, I beg to submit a plea of No Jurisdiction. We cannot go on with this particular case as I donâ€™t want to be found in Ijebu- Igbo or Akwu-ukwu-Akumazi, inside a peasant family tomato farm, without my Obama ears and my tongue. Please Sir, I beg you in the name of Shango, No Jurisdiction.
This is not the case of Kirikiri Admiral sparing with some vengeful Wadas, armed robbers and kidnappers. The characters in the case before us are like governments and they have taken some deep roots in our putrid system.Â Whether in power, inside the corridors, outside or even in prison; do not cross their lines.
Those who have made the mistake are either swallowed or scuttled out into exile. Declared persona non grata… The Adjutant advises we stick with cases like the Kirikiri Admiral, the Jay Jay and the Journey man EssienCourtmarshal, women, sports, etc, and avoid like leprosy anything bothering on the Ogidigbam and his nemesis, the Inspector-Deputy who is now like exiled Charles De Gaulle fighting for France from London Oxford University!!
Major Oboh 419 Utueke: That Deputy Rubbish is deceiving himself .He says he is a revolutionary. He gave me and my 419 people hell on earth. Before him, we used to ply the land, inside the best cars Germany, Detroit or Japan could build. Sometimes we would depart Lagos just for the fun of it, around 10 am with the best police security lead, and arrive Port Harcourt by 6pm.
From that hour to the following morning, we treat the people of PortÂ Harcourt to a Roman feast, a music carnival, where the dancing hall is rebuilt on a new foundation cemented by tightly constructed bunches of foreign currencies! All the young beautiful ladies in town are before our arrival begged to show up at our parties by their equally beautiful mothers. At the end of those bazaars, we take mothers and daughters to sin.
Those are the days we built hospitals, schools, churches and granted countless scholarships to the poor. Iâ€™m not making this up. We were the government and we never stole from the people or touched the peoplesâ€™ treasury. You can go to the Central Bank and corroborate on this testimony.
The yeye revolutionary is talking about Central Bank and the 15million dollars bribe to the Ogidigbam…I, Major 419 Oboh Utueke, challenge the same Central Bank to present to the National Assembly or to the Press exhibits of me or my 419 people stealing,or engaging in the embezzlement of the national cake.
We went out across the borders to bring global dividends especially from greedy cankerworms to our suffocating economy. Instead of showing us gratitude, the little Napoleon Inspector-Deputy declared us enemies, hounded us from power, and, in fact, he and his dreaded outfit stole our stolen gold watches, diamond jewelries and coveted our properties.
Now the pretender dictator has met his match… Ogidigbam the Defender of the people, the Father of Resource Control, The Owner of Delta Niger and the man who will be King!! No Shaking!!
General One Leg Atamuna: Major, the Adjutant, you are excused. For me, the regiment will go ahead and try this case with the new casefile to be entitled; Before the Officers and Men of theÂ Kirikiri Vanguard
Regiment…..Deputy Inspector General Rabadudu Vs The Former Delta Niger Sheriff, alias the Ogidigbam…… â€˜â€™it is only the eyes of childhood,â€™â€™ according to Shakespeare, the revered English bard, â€˜â€™that fears a painted devil.â€™â€™ As I always say to you, there is no volunteering nor questions in the army….we must carry out our orders. So the Prince of Igalla with the strategic advantages of sitting at the Nigerian crossroads of the Niger and the Benue like Sarah Palin, [She could see Russia from Alaska] I promise you all Justice according to our military regimental codes and tradition.
Admiral KK Omoregie: No Lawyers, no Appeals. Indeed the Inspector Deputy have the following questions to answer: Were you in support of the fraudulent elections that brought MPDP to power?Â If no what did you do?
Why did you personalize the anti-corruption outfit?Â You were part of the insidious three musketeers under the OBJack regime, and what are your legacies? Others were the powerful Minister, who cannot point at anything at
Ogwashi- Ukwu or in Abia, to remind her people she was in power as Minister for ego for about 7 years! The other devil incarnate is your alter ego …the Minister who sent many to their early graves as he daily brought from abroad machines to knock down citizensâ€™ homes.
To you, Ogidigbam, the Prince of Edoland will courtmarshal you without fear, or favour. It is about time the Regiment puts you and your tenure before the peoplesâ€™ court.
Col Naira Abubakar, You may dismiss the parade!!