By Helen Ovbiagele, Woman Editor
WOMEN got much flak in some readers’ response to the write-up with the above title. They felt that women don’t take enough time to scrutinize the men they have a relationship with, but rather, they are dazzled by good looks, money and positions, and they rush into the relationship or marriage, only to discover that the man’s not all they thought him to be.

These women then become so frustrated and disappointed that the relationship gets worse, and the union begins to slide towards the abyss, bringing chaos into the lives of all concerned; the kids, the woman, and the man himself.   Sometimes, like in the write-up, tragedy strikes before the woman knows the true character of her beloved.

There’s some truth in this, but it obtains with men too as some of them don’t study their girl properly before they marry them, and all what those readers said with regards to women, happen too. Personally, there shouldn’t be any strategy about whom to marry, as most people don’t usually put all their cards on the table while dating and courting.  True character begins to unfold when the players feel confident in their’catch’ in a union and begin to behave true to type.

If this change isn’t acceptable to the other partner, sparks begin to fly, to the detriment of the union. The grace and guidance of God is what we should seek when deciding anything, especially a close relationship like courting and marriage.

Second marriage

This will ensure that we don’t end up with the wrong people, and if it’s a second marriage, we don’t expose our kids to perverts and evil people. A few readers too referred to the domestic help we employ to help look after the home and our children. How well do we know them, and should we invite total strangers into our homes and expose our kids to them?

These readers feel that no-one else should be entrusted with the care of kids, except the mother and very close family members. We thank all those who expressed their views, even though we can’t publish every reaction. ‘Madam, this is what we’re saying. That woman didn’t study her boyfriend properly before deciding to live with him along with her three kids.

She looked only on the surface and saw probably a good provider for her and her kids. Maybe he had a good body as well. In the write-up you said it was alleged that the Police had pulled in the man some years before, and cautioned him about an offence.

The offence wasn’t disclosed, and the woman had no knowledge of this since it was before they met. Couldn’t it have been something to do with sexual abuse of some sort?  No-one knows. I’m not saying the woman had no right to have a boyfriend, but she shouldn’t have had him living with her and her children when they’re not even married.

Trusting him in such circumstances wasn’t very wise. Thanks,  Tony, Warri.’ ‘What was that mother thinking of when she threw her boyfriend and her nine year old daughter together?  Asking them to go spend the day together as he did his rounds of delivery was foolish.

Even if they were already husband and wife, she should have reasoned that the man is not the child’s father, and the devil could wake up the lust in him. Why didn’t she go with them on the day’s outing? How well did she know the boyfriend?  This sort of incident can happen here too, if you leave a young girl with a male relation.

You can’t be too careful if you have young children; particularly girls. I’m sorry for the   woman though, because the incident has messed up her entire life. It’s a lesson to us all. + Nneka, Lekki. ‘May the souls of those two people in your write-up rest in peace.  Madam, the mother of the little girl is to blame for the unfortunate deaths.

There’s no doubt that she’s a responsible mother as the head teacher of the little girl said, but parenting goes beyond being present at open days, sport days, etc. at your child’s school. It involves keeping an eagle’s eyes on your ward.

A nine year-old girl in the western world, or even in our own developing country, is already a woman. You may see her as a child yet, but to men, she’s ripe for sex. Boyfriends of mothers have been known to make love to the daughters. It isn’t a strange story. It’s only by the Holy Spirit of God that a woman’s boyfriend behaves himself decently and responsibly concerning her wards.

If that woman hadn’t asked the daughter to accompany the live-in boyfriend on the day’s delivery, both of them might still be alive, who knows?   Only God knows the answer.’  Martin, Lagos.

‘Helen, on ‘Your Kids, Who Can You Trust Them with?’ I have a feeling that somebody else could be responsible for the deaths of the duo, not the boyfriend of the girl’s mother. Man must be trusted because trust is a virtue ordained by God for the benefit of man. I’m sad. + IK Nweje Principal’

My view is, keep your growing daughter away from males who are not responsible and close blood relations.  That woman thought she was giving her daughter a treat, and her boyfriend and her kids got on well together, but sometimes it pays to imagine the worst and then, by God’s special grace, avoid demonic temptations. Your piece said that the British Police said there may have been sexual assault on the girl before she was strangled.

It’s easy to believe this because the type of rope that was used on her was the same type that the mother’s boyfriend used in hanging himself. It’s a sad occurrence. Parents must be vigilant and not entrust their wards to just anybody.

The devil is on the prowl. God help us all.  PaTolu, Ibadan.’ ‘Poor poor woman!  She was a responsible woman, yet this happened to her. She must have had some misgivings at a point, hence she monitored that outing of her daughter with the boyfriend, by phoning them throughout the day at one point or the other, and ensuring that she spoke to her daughter.

That was good. The truth is that God reigns supreme, and He knows best. She might as well have left the daughter at home and this unfortunate incident would have taken place, since he lived with the woman and her children.

Even if he didn’t, it might still happen.   I can imagine so many people accusing the woman of negligence.  One should commiserate with her. She’s lost at a go, two people she loved. Only God can heal the wound.  + Pastor  Peter, Ikeja, Lagos.’

‘Fear of sexual assault shouldn’t be the only reason we watch over our kids keenly, and by ourselves as much as possible. Domestic helps are strangers in our homes, even if you bring them from your village. They can wreak as much havoc on your family as that woman’s boyfriend did. Some don’t have clean spirits, and they affect your family adversely if you’re not prayerful and watchful.

The bottom line is to look after our kids as much as we can, and not entrust them to domestics and other strangers. We should also teach our children to be vigilant about helpers and visitors in the house, and not trust them completely. Thanks.   Chuka, Olodi Apapa.’