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One-night stands could come in handy when you need a snack!

By CANDIDA
THE problem most people have is deciding at what point it is okay to have sex with a Newfoundland. It doesn’t matter whether you’re single or a married adventurer wanting fast and furious sex, the problem is still the same! I recently ran into this dishy guy at a party -very macho and a good mover, he looked absolutely delicious.

A few years younger (so what?), he made a play for me, staring all night at my boobs. If another man had been so brazen, 1 would have given him a what for! But this one was a rogue – he could get away with anything. “Want dinner tomorrow?” he offered later in the evening. We’d become sort of connected!

Before I could even consider it, he added. “I’m a good cook, you’ll enjoy my specialty (he didn’t say what it was!) The wife’s on holiday with the kids. You could bring a nightie if you like.” He needn’t spell out the type of a dinner date he was offering, and no, I didn’t slap his face. And I’m  going to tell you whether or not I took him up on his offer!

As my happily divorced Casanova friend Kay, aptly puts it: “I’ve always believed that, if you have chemistry and passion, you should go to bed there and then. I mean, why wait? What are you waiting for? To ask her father’s permission to shag his daughter? Or, as a woman, are you waiting to be sure he is not a psychopathic woman-beater?

Women particularly believe you shouldn’t, sleep with a man on the first day because he won’t have respect for you. What a load of rubbish! If you and a man fancy the pants of each other and you still decide not to have sex because of some mysterious idea of ‘respect,’ then he’ll think you’re too uptight to be bothered with anyway! This kind of behaviour may be justified on the first date.

But on the second date, it’s just plain frustrating! Believe me, there aren’t that many men who will hang about to see if it’ s worth investing the inevitable thousands of naira on the third date simply to have to wait for madam’s favour yet again!”

As far as Ini, my adventurous friend is concerned, the men who are attached shouldn’t necessarily be off the market! “Attached men are always right for the picking – so are attached women, come to think of it,” she gloated. “Only you should be prepared for the shock that you aren’t the only one with that belief. Take Ben for instance (Ini has a string of them, so I won’t bore you with Ben’s details!)

He was married and proud of it, but he didn’t want that to cramp his style. We actually met at a friend’s housewarming party. There was a major attraction between us that neither one of us wanted to ignore. His wife was away marking some exam papers so I took him home – his wife went with the only family car. It was worth the effort, believe me.

When we eventually got down to it, he was amazing and very sensual.
‘Two weeks into the relationship, his wife was marking exam papers once again when she phoned she was leaving early – when I’d already settled in! I had to dash out very late in the night. Then one night, I walked into a restaurant with some friends and he was out on a date with a woman who wasn’t his wife.

I deliberately walked past him so he could see me, but the cad just slunk down in his seat and acted like he didn’t recognize me. I refused to have anything to do with him after that!” One-nigh-stands or not, there are some nerds (oops! Gentlemen) who want more of a one-on-one-relationship than flings. I was at Deji’s and in a relaxed mood with a couple of his friends when I carefully introduced the topic – The men were realty keen and wanted to know what f” meant.

I told them that since we were all grown-ups, we should readily admit that most of us must have met someone and had sex with them right away, regardless of whether it was a one-night -stand or the start of a meaningful relationship, I’d I expected the two ladies present to squirm, but they were more vocal than the men, life is too short to be pretentious,” one of them said matter of-factly. “If a man wants it fast and furious, it stands to reason he’s going to do it with a woman, so why the pretext?

“If I fancy a man, I go for him. They’re just like having a barbecue dinner – some barbecues come out well and others are burnt all over. You just toss the burnt ones into the rubbish bin and enjoy the well-turned-out ones!” It was her date who squirmed and told us snootily that: “The way I was raised, sex was very intimate and very honest with my parents.

I look for that same honesty and rapport with a woman. I take relationships very seriously.” His date reminded him that if his parents’ relationship was so passionate, how come his dad have a second family? I quickly steered the conversation back to basics – that one-night stands could be as satisfying as having a snack instead of a main meal.

“Have you had one lately?” Deji wanted to know. My experience with the cad at the party must have made me a bit bolder. Had he? I tossed the ball back into his court. He wagged his finger at me and the topic was dropped.
Unfortunately, he didn’t let the topic drop after his guests left. Afterwards, he. was more passionate than he’d been for months!

There’s nothing tike a bit of jealousy to spur a man on! The next evening when Joel called, it was panic station for me. I didn’t particularly fancy a nooky two nights in a row but was relieved that was the furtherest thing from his mind! He sheepishly, admitted to having a one-night stand a few -months ago only for the lady involved to track him down to his office.

“She claimed I’d gotten her pregnant,” Joel wailed. “Would you imagine any woman pulling that kind of stunt in this day and age? I told her what she could do with the pregnancy but she threatened to tell my wife if I didn’t give her money to get rid of the pregnancy.

I paid her off in the end. It would have been understandable if she were a hustler, but this is a well-trained professional with a good job. She knew I was married when she agreed to have a romp. So why the blackmail? It’s amazing how low some women would stoop to make ends meet.”


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