My generous neighbour now takes care of my sex drive

By Bunmi Sofola
Dear Bunmi,
I’m just over 30 and have a high sex drive. I want it every day if I could get it, but my wife is happy with two or three rimes a week. Once in a while, she humours me by letting me have more but I always have the feelings she does it for peace.  A few weeks back, her father had a stroke. He’s lived alone since he lost his wife three years ago and my wife had to go to the family house every evening from work. By the time she came back home, sex was the last thing in her mind.

In the meantime, our neighbour, who we’re very good friends with, is a single mother of three. She often jokingly complained of abstaining from sex due to no fault of hers. So when she came around one evening and discovered I was alone, she went back to bring me something to eat. I provided the booze. One thing led to the other and I found myself having amazing sex! She’s in her forties but sexy and very athletic. Afterwards, she suggested I call in at her place from time to time for no-strings sex. She said it would solve both our problems and my wife need never know.

I’ve taken her up on her offer a few times and the nice arrangement is working for both of us, I mean what could be simpler and where’s the harm? I love my wife and our beautiful children but not getting enough sex in driving me up the wall. Could this be a way of solving my problem – and my neighbour’s?
Donald,
By E-mail.

Dear Donald,
You might think you’re on to a good thing and so is your neighbour. She might claim she’s only after no-strings sex, but don’t be fooled. Once she’s got her claws into you, she won’t let you go in a hurry. She’s likely to start making emotional demands on you. She may even let something slip to your wife. If she doesn’t, your wife is bound to pick up tell -tale signs that you’re having it off with her so-called friend.

You’re happy with your marriage and need to talk to your wife about your sexual urges. Twice or thrice a week is okay  for married couple. She even allows you to have more once in a while. For the sake of your marriage, you need to control your sexual urges or be prepared to throw away a good marriage for cheap thrills.

I fancy my teacher

Dear bunmi,
I’m 19 and I’ve just started at a polytechnic. I really enjoy my studies but I currently have a crush on one of my teachers. Even though he’s in his 40s, he looks really sexy. Every time I have lectures with him, I get excited. When he comes up to me in class, I get really shy. l’m normally a loud girl but I’m very quiet during his lessons. I’m sure he has realized that something is wrong. All this is making me disorientated with my studies. Can you help?
Agnes,
By e-mail

Dear Agnes,
As you’ve already observed, when you become attracted to the opposite sex, you think and dream of little other than the person who has suddenly become the object of your attention. And because you don’t know the person well, you’re able to fantasise that he’s a desirable and perfect person you’ll fall in|for. 1t is often inappropriate and not someone that would make a satisfactory mate.

So enjoy your crush while it lasts. Believe me, the thrilling feelings you now sense will soon pass. One day not so for from now, your teacher will seem like just another middle-aged man. You’ll wonder what you ever saw in him. To end your crush more quickly, focus on all the sensible and down – to earth thing that tell you this teacher could never be your boyfriend. In time, you’ll be able to give the love that you now feel to some nice young man who catches your eye.

How do I get my love life back?

Dear Bunmi
I’ve been in a relationship with a man I greatly adore for close to a year. It used to be a passionate relationship but he’s been acting very withdrawn lately. I don’t think there’s anyone else, it just seems as if the magic has gone and I’m terrified he has stopped loving me. Is there a way I could tell if he still cares?
Amina,
By e-mail

Dear Amina,
There is no foolproof way to tell if someone has stopped loving you. But these are clues I came across lately to to help you check the state of your relationship;
(a) Does he still have happy memories of when you first met?
(b) Does he flinch away when you go to kiss or hug him?
(c) Does he talk positively about you to other people?
(d) Have you actual proof that he has recently lied to you or deceived you?
(e) Is he still talking enthusiastically about a future together?
(f) Has he started to refuse to do things that you want him to do?
If you said ‘yes’ to questions A,C, or E, score one point for each. If you said ‘no’ to questions B, D, or F, score one point for each. If you scored a total of six, it’s unlikely your partner has fallen out of love with you. So relax and be happy.

The lower the score, the more likely it is he has fallen out of love. You need to sit down, think and feel. If he’s prepared to talk- particularly if he is willing to try to get things back on track-then there is still hope