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Are you desperate?

By Chioma Gabriel

Desperation in a relationship could lead to a number of  things. People do all kinds of things in their desperate  bids  to get hooked to someone. A lady shared an experience of  how a guy lived off her for years in her bid to have him by his side at all times and at the end of the day, he left her kobo less, pregnant and abandoned. Jessica’s story stemmed from the fact that she thought that without that guy, she would not get another person to marry her and she was wrong.

Jessica revealed that it was after she was beaten and battered emotionally, and even financially that she found true love from a strange quarter.
Her story.

He abused and duped me emotionally but at last I found love — Jessica, 43
At 38, I felt that time was running out on me. I had a number of relationships and was dumped severally, like a desperate lady. I was sure I was not doing anything wrong because I was always nice to my guys and was doing everything to encourage and keep them. But somehow, cupid never seemed to favour me as the guys always found reasons to use me and dump me.

I have a good job and get well paid but that was all. I had a relationship in 2006 where I showed so much love to my beau and we even went as far as fixing a wedding date but that relationship was never formalised. On the said date I was supposed to exchange the marriage vows, my guy left the country with my money.

One of his friends came to break the news and tried to console me. He was to be the best man at the wedding and he said he didn’t know how to break the news to me that Dotun was about to chicken out of the relationship.
From the time that he came to break the news, Tom began to frequent my house and with his counsel, I was able to overcome the agony and Tom and I became good friends.

He  is into importation of whatever goods  that are desirable  in a season and it got to a period he brought in two containers but did not have enough money to clear them. He went about borrowing money and I felt sorry for him to the extent that I made a very large contribution to the clearing of his goods. But that was where I got it wrong. Tom promised to pay me back as soon as he cleared the goods and sold them. And that was how our story began. It was always demand for more money from Tom but he always told more stories and at a stage, he said his  creditors were after him and he moved in with me.

From October 2007 to July 2008, Tom lived in my apartment and off me. I shunned all my friends who tried to warn me, thinking they were part of the reason why I was not married at my age. I realised I was pregnant by November 2007 and had my baby July last year. Tom moved out of the house before I put to bed and when I needed my money most, I didn’t get it. I learnt from one of his partners that the goods were cleared September last year and immediately sold off because they had already made arrangement for buyers. Tom did not inform me of this development and didn’t refund my money. I was pregnant and desperately needed my  money from Tom but didn’t get it.

As if that was not bad enough, Tom who promised me marriage has  not come to see his son since he was born. He has my money and has stopped asking after me or coming to my place. He is not picking my calls and I only realised recently that he did not pay back the money he borrowed from other people too  to clear his goods and they are all looking for him.

Tom compounded what his friend did to me. He took advantage of my battered pride and rubbished me the more. Although I did not feel the emotional pain as I did when Dotun almost abandoned me at the altar, I’m sick of the fact that he deceived me and even did worse than his friend did to me. He took my money, took my ego and abandoned me when I needed him most. Our son is over a year now and has made me absolutely happy to the point that I didn’t give a damn about any relationship with any other guy.

But I attended my friend’s house-warming recently and there was her cousin Pedro, a handsome hunk of a man  proposing marriage to me. I almost laughed at his face because I thought it was another farce but Pedro meant business because we have already gone to the registry, did traditional introduction and are preparing for the church wedding which will take place in a couple of weeks. It is funny really and for that genuine love, I have decided to forget the bitter past and leave Dotun and Tom to God  and move on with my new found happiness.


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