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What would you do if your husband impregnates your daughter?

By Bridget Amaraegbu ( bridgyfree@yahoo.com)

The first thing Rita told James when she noticed what she thought was just a mere fling between the two was fast developing into a full blown relationship was the story of how she was raped in her junior class in secondary school. The product of that unwanted pregnancy, a fifteen- year old SSS 1 student, was living with her parents.

But James didn’t show any sign of worry. Instead, he not only asked her hand in marriage but insisted that the girl be brought under their wing, at least, to give her some parental care, as he put it.

Portia Yamahan
Portia Yamahan

How Rita wished she never allowed that to happen! Two years have gone by since the day she walked away from what she called her dream marriage. She had taken the decision to walk away after she caught her husband in bed with her daughter. And to further rub insult into her injured pride, her husband of four years had stood calmly from her matrimonial bed to announce that her daughter, was as a matter of fact, carrying his baby.

She had woken up the next morning in a hospital.  If it were you, what would you have done?
As usual Bridget Amaraegbu has all the answers.

I’d abort the baby —  Portia Yamahan, Actress

Let me say here that I’d be very sorry for any woman who finds herself in that kind of situation because I can’t imagine  such a thing happening to me. In any case, if such  a thing has happened, I’m not sure there is anything she could do to remedy the situation  If she decides to kill the man in question, the law will hold her to ransom and she’ll end up in jail. And if she also decides to take her own life, God will not forgive her. She’ll end up in hell fire which is not in her favour either.

As good Christians, I know that most people will not want to spill blood by taking away the life of anybody, especially that of an unborn baby through either abortion or otherwise. Before God, every life is very precious and it doesn’t matter whether the pregnancy is just one month old or not.

And if you really want to know what I’ll do if I’m in the unfortunate woman’s shoes, I’ll tell you. I won’t kill the man. Neither will I kill  myself. But I may go somewhere very far from him to keep my sanity. Or I may even travel out of the country which I know can help clear my head of some of the evil thoughts that may becloud my sense of judgement. It will most  certainly help me battle some of the challenges that may also follow the dastardly act. You know, change of environment has a way of healing a broken heart.

As for my daughter? Well, I’d say to her it’s pity she chose to start off her life the hard way. Sincerely speaking, I may not have any other option than to at least abort that ungodly pregnancy. She must not have that baby while I’m alive.
I know it’s the wrong thing to do. It is the only sane thing to do at that particular time and it’s also the only way out. Allowing her to keep the baby will only increase the trauma and hatred. This is because if the child is allowed into the world, my hatred for him or her may force me to do what I most certainly may regret in future. So, the best thing to do under the circumstance is to do away with the pregnancy when it’s still in its early stage.

Come to think of it, what happens to the child if he grows up to find out how he came into the world? In a society such as ours where children born under abnormal circumstances are treated with levity by peers, no child will be happy to discover the history of his birth. This knowledge could cause a psychological problem for the child.  And when this happens, the tendency is for such a child to develop inferiority complex when other children are talking? And what happens after? Your bet is as good as mine. Too many issues are involved in a matter like this, my sister. So, to avoid all these anomalies, I’ll prefer to get rid of that pregnancy and  make peace with my God later.

On the other hand, if my daughter is an adult who can take her own decisions and wants  to keep the pregnancy and marry the man, then I may have to leave them alone. There’s no way I can become a senior wife to my own daughter. God forbid. But before I take that decision, both family members will have to be involved.

It’ll be a very difficult one but I won’t kill anybody nor risk my health for anything.  Life can always go on. As long as my daughter wants to marry her mother’s husband, it will be better to allow her taste the good and bad side of the same man. No problem.

In this world, so many things are very possible. Don’t forget also that your enemy can use any means to undo you or destroy your joy. That is why when things like this happen, you need to take it to God in prayer. He’s the only one you can actually trust.

Women should also stand up to their responsibilities in the home. How come your husband is having an affair with your own daughter right under your roof and you never suspected anything. If it were a rape case, it will be a different issue all together. But to discover that he did it with the consent of your daughter is terrifying. Women out there should open their eyes and monitor their homes properly because with this kind of story, anything can happen.

Move out and move on with life — Kate Henshaw, Actress

What a pity? That is injustice to mankind. First of all,
I hope the woman in question is empowered because that is the only way she’d be able to move on. I’m saying this because a lot of women who are not empowered may still have to continue living with this man, and before you know it, they’ll begin to have feelings for this man again, which is not proper. Tell me, what manner of emotional feeling is the woman supposed to have for the man. The best she can do is to  move out of the house and move on with her life. That is, if she’s empowered. But where she’s not, she’s still expected to move out of that marriage and find something doing for herself.

And as for the daughter, I’ll advise that she allows the pregnancy to stay because the unborn child is innocent. But on her part, she has to end whatever relationship she had with that husband of hers. I don’t want to imagine such a thing happening around my world.

He is a dead man —  Ireti Osayemi, Actress

First,  I’ll want to state clearly that any man who does such a thing is not human. Therefore, he does not deserve to exist with other human beings, how can a sane man do any such thing?
If  I’m in the shoes of such a woman, I’m sorry to say that I may have no other option than to commit murder because I don’t think I can stand the shame that may trail the incidence.

I’ll forgive if…— Ehi Buckler, Actress

First of all, any woman that finds herself in that kind of
mess must as a matter of fact pack out of that marriage and find another way of living her life.

If I find myself in that kind of situation, I’ll not be the one to kill the man. The best thing I can do is to allow the law take its course, especially if it’s a rape case. You and I know that rape is a serious offence here in Nigeria. So, he’ll be made to face the law.

Don’t also forget that my husband may have been drunk when he committed the offence.  And if he was drunk, I’ll forgive him if I still have feelings for him. But if it was intentional and my daughter agrees to marry him, then I’ll have to leave the house for both of them.

Leave the marriage —  Laide Bakare, Actress

It’s a pity that things like this can  happen in this present
dispensation. If a man can do that to her daughter, it means he can do something worse to her. He can even rape her mother if she’s still strong and beautiful .

So what can she do? Walk away from that marriage first, especially if she can fend for herself. But if she’s the type who is dependent on her husband for everything then her problem becomes compounded because she may have to put up with the same man, not minding what he has done.

Whether she’s employed or not, she has to move on somehow. She can’t kill the man and worse she can do,  to abort that pregnancy if she can. But that too, according to the laws of this countr,y is a crime.  After that, the girl should go for proper counselling and rehabilitation so that she can fit back into the society.

As for me, I’ll simply leave the marriage if I were in her shoes and move on with life.
I think this is also a wake up call to all women who think it’s right to depend financially on their husbands because when things like this happen, you wouldn’t know where to start from. Every woman should try to be self dependent even when in a marriage.


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Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.