Breaking News
Translate

Should married couple sleep in separate rooms?

Dear Bunmi,

We’ve been married for close to nine years now and my husband sleeps in a room different from mine. The problem is that he snores so loudly that I find it almost impossible to sleep with him in the same room. We have two young children. Taking care of them takes its toll and I need all the sleep I could snatch. Do you think separate’ bedroom will make us grow apart?

Doyin,
Ibadan.

Dear Doyin,
It’s only in the last 70 years or so that it has become the norms for couples to sleep in the same room. Before, it would have been considered scandalous or odd to want to sleep in the same bed with your other half. A few of my close friends have slept in different rooms for the past 20 years because their men are snorers, and they are among the most solid couples I know.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t work for everybody as the best part of being with someone is sleeping alongside them. There is this website    (putanendtosnoring.com) that has some great suggestions. A visit to your doctor can also help. Also try some health-food alternatives. If they don’t work, there are always industrial-strength earplugs to consider!

My friend is a sponger!

Dear Bunmi,
I have a friend who is a free loader. I earn more than she does but that doesn’t mean I have to pick up the tabs every time we go out. She gets lavishly entertained when she comes to visit but moans about being short whenever I call on her.

I’m beginning to feel resentful about her meanness but we’ve been friends for ages, I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Do you have any tips on how to make her pull her weight?

Wonu,
By E-mail

Dear Wonu,
So your friend doesn’t like to spend as much as you? That’s more your problem than hers. Start by structuring joint activities around what she’s willing to spend. Try: “You seem uncomfortable when we go out to such-and-such a place, so let’s do something more low-key.

Any suggestions?’ That puts the ball in her court, and you still get to see her without having to go through a ‘who pays for what’ routine. If she is just plain mean, challenge her, but be casual and upbeat. You could tell her, “I paid for our meal last time. It’s your turn”.

If that doesn’t work, tell her you’re uncomfortable with the disparity in what each of you spends. Be tactful.

Would she be a liability?
I am 26 years old attached to the Nigeria Police Force. I am in love with a girl of my choice, and I’ve promised to marry her. Her family has accepted me wholeheartedly.

My problem is that my girl is not educated and cannot be employed in any department. Obviously she cannot assist with financial problem.

With this in view, do you believe that I will be able to meet up with the present high standard of living in a place like Lagos?

Emmanuel
By E-mail

Dear Emmanuel,
You knew your girl had no education before you fell in love with her. And you admitted you still loved her, enough to ask her to marry you.

Surely education is not the only means by which you can make a living – and you know it.

Why don’t you let her learn a trade? Or better still, why don’t you set up a petty-trading business for her? I’m sure she herself doesn’t relish the idea of being as helpless as you now think she is. As a last resort, you can enroll her in a good adult education school even after you’re married.

My kids resent my mother-in-law

Dear Bunmi,
Every morning, I drop my two children with my mother-in-law as I’m in between house-helps. The problem is that, she’s so strict with them that they’re reluctant to stay with her. My husband refuses to interfere. How should I tackle her?

Mabel,
Lagos.

Dear Mabel,
Does the so-called strictness involve shouting, physical punishment or over zealous restrictions? If so, sit her down and explain firmly and politely that, while you’re grateful for her help, you don’t agree with some of her methods. Explain what it is, you would prefer to happen and why: “When junior does something we disagree,” you might begin, “we refer to identify the action as naughty rather than tell him he is naughty,” or “We seldom raised our voices as we find it frightens him.1”

Don’t reject all your mother-in-law’s methods out off-hand as most youngsters could be right tearaways especially when their parents are not around. As long as rules are balanced with love and positive affirmation, your children would blossom.


Disclaimer

Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.