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Why would you date a married man? (5)

By Chioma Gabriel

It’s happening everywhere around you but  the fact that many people are doing it does not justify the act or do you feel good knowing you are to be blamed for a marriage breaking-up?Are you proud being in a relationship you cannot confidently introduce your partner or be seen with him/her publicly? This week,  our contributor , Emmanuela said she had to fight for the man she loves and win him back from the woman who stole him from her.

Emmanuela said in her mail that her guy challenged her to fight for his love and she did and won him back. Her story:

I was dating Dennis for four years before I realised there was another woman . I had gone to his house one Saturday morning and caught him pants down with another woman. I apologised and left the place and Dennis came to my place the next day to apologise saying he regretted what happened.
I caught him with other women severally but it got to the stage that I stopped complaining but he asked me to prove my love for him by fighting off the others. I can’t remember know how many women I had a show-down with because of him but one woman was particularly stubborn. I told Dennis to choose between me and Pat, but he said he was not choosing as the person who would withstand till the end would be his wife. I didn’t like that and I decided to set him free. My friends cajoled me for chickening out so easily and urged me to go back and fight for the man I love. I couldn’t do that and my parents supported me.

It took eighteen months for Dennis and I to meet again. I attended a wedding service of my schoolmate and I saw Dennis at the church. He was wearing a wedding band and I was surprised he married Pat, the other woman. He told me his marriage was seven months then and I had goose-pimples on hearing that. Dennis was the only man I knew. I lost my virginity to him when I was 22 years and I’d not slept with another man ever since. I tried to have other relationships but I could not bear the touch of another man. I craved for Dennis but I thought I’d lost him forever. It wasn’t long after our meeting that Dennis visited me. He came to my house drunk and my parents did not like it because they knew he was married. But that visit became frequent and each time he visited, Dennis was always in a bad mood.
It wasn’t long before I learnt he was having problems with his wife and that pushed him into drinking and staying out late. Dennis said his wife was a nag and he dreaded going back to the house everyday after closing for business. It got to the stage that my parents said they wouldn’t want to see him around the house anymore. But by then, I couldn’t leave Dennis in the hands of that woman and so, I got myself an apartment and moved out of my parents’s place.

My mother was particularly irked by the fact that I gave Dennis my whole life and he trampled it under foot. My mother warned me to desist from having anything to do with Dennis as he would be blocking my chances of finding love again. A few weeks after my mother said that, Pat, Dennis’s wife came to my office and caused commotion, calling me all sorts of names, alleging I was sleeping with her husband. I told Dennis what his wife did to me and he said I shouldn’t let him off the second time and so, I continued to let him come around my place.

We resuscitated our love and ignored his wife who kept badgering me and warning me to keep off her man. But it was unnecessary and rather too late as I was already pregnant. My parents rejected Dennis and the pregnancy and urged me to get rid of it but I could not. I had my baby outside marriage and continued the relationship and became pregnant again. This time, it was the parents and siblings of Dennis that went to see my parents and eventually, Dennis and I had a traditional marriage to formalise our relationship. Pat and I became rivals as we shared the same husband.

Dennis moved in with me and we have three kids now. Pat has a daughter and lives alone with the girl. I’d done everything to have Dennis spend more time with his first wife but he would not. He said the only thing he would not do was divorce Pat formally because of his daughter whom he loves so much but in as much as I love Dennis and want to be with him, I know and respect the fact that he has another woman who needs him too.

Polygamy is not strange in Africa and being a second wife has not made me a monster. If anything, I’m wise about it and I’m happy  I  took the challenge the love of my life gave to me. He is a better man and husband now that he has  married two wives .


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