By Chioma Gabriel
I got a mail from a lady who demanded to knowÂ the big deal aboutÂ dating a married man. According to Tosin, the marriedÂ manÂ is the devil you know who is better than the angel you donâ€™t know. Tosin claimedÂ that on the occasions she dated married men, she did not expect commitment from them because the men knew she was dating them as breadwinners andÂ nothing else. â€˜I kept my side of the deal, they kept theirs.â€™ Tosin said that even her regular boyfriend at the University knew about her aristosÂ and benefitted from their largesse.
â€œWith them, my boyfriend and I lived live aÂ king and a queen as undergraduates. And you can hardly see a female undergraduateÂ who does not have an aristo because these married men park their cars in the evenings around the female hostels and they have male students who pimp for them. Sometimes, you get to be invited to a classy party where these moneybags perchÂ around likeÂ flies and you get handsomely paid for sevices rendered. So, itâ€™sÂ no big deal because itâ€™s common knowledge. Only a few female studentsÂ land man -friends who eventually become theirÂ lifeÂ partners.â€
So, whatâ€™s the big deal? Why would you do it? Is it just for theÂ cash orÂ would you seek love with a married man or woman?
In this edition, Stephanie shared the story of Julia, her friend who died for her loveÂ for a married man.
She loved him and married him and paid the price â€” Stephanie, 27
At the University of Lagos, Julia and I were close friends. Like some of us girls, she too played the field. But the problem with Julia was that she was emotional and whereas others were dating married men and discarding them, she was getting too emotionally involved. Her problem stemmed from the fact that she was always looking for a father figure.
Julia had a troubled childhood. Her mother had a problem with her father when Julia was very young and what she didnâ€™t get from her father, she sought to get from other men.
She always preferred older men who would pet her or do for her what her father did not do. She wanted to be loved and be spoilt and the modern youngman who loves to play the field would not give her that love.
In our third year in the University, Julia met the man she truly loved but he was married. However, that did not deter her. Lexy looked young and cultivated but he was married and has five children from his wife.
His affair with Julia was legendary. It was open and celebrated in the campus.
It got to a stage when Lexy got her an apartment somewhere in Yaba around the University. He really took very good care of her and if Julia had listened to good advice, perhaps what happened would not have happened. She enjoyed so much attention from Lexy who was spending time with her in her apartment.
By the time we were taking our degree exams, Julia was pregnant and her man arranged for her to serve in Lagos. He planned to marry her as his second wife and that was what brought him close to her father. Lexy never knew Julia had a father because the man was estranged from Juliaâ€™s mother and because he never took care ofÂ his daughter, he lacked the will to counsel her or reject her suitor . Lexy provided all the luxury Julia needed and the problem started when he married her.
We, Juliaâ€™s friends advised her to keep a separate apartment but she was strong-headed and felt she would not enjoy marital bliss except she lived with Lexy in the palatial mansion he built where hisÂ first wife and children wereÂ also living.
Obviously, Lexyâ€™s first wife kicked against his taking a second wife and in the process, quarreled with him and was banishedÂ to the one-story boys quarter to live with her children.
Julia moved in and occupied the main building with Lexy and as her pregnancy progressed, the other womanâ€™s diabolical nature also increased. I remember Julia told me how the other woman (now in the boys quarter) broughtÂ in all kinds of people into the house whenever Lexy was not around. They would do some diabolical things in the compound and on several occasions, they mentioned her name loud enough for her to hear. She said she complained to Lexy who told her to ignore the other woman, that she could only bark but not bite and because she trusted Lexy so much, she believed him and always stayed indoors whenever he was away.
Julia told me the first wifeÂ did not stop as all kinds of strangers continued to besiege the compound and they would do things untilÂ one Tuesday whenÂ she walked into them as she was about to go for ante-natal. Things changed from that day. She became very afraid ofÂ the first wife . Although she was hale and hearty the next Tuesday whenÂ she left for the antenatal clinic, she died on the doctorâ€™s table after she was checked and declared healthy and fit.
Her autopsy said she had a sudden rise inÂ blood pressure but we her friends knew there was muchÂ more to her death than blood pressure.
The diabolical nature of the original wife who felt humiliated when she was sent to the boys quarter with her children became an open discussion. We believe Julia was killed diabolically.She died with the baby in her womb and her mother was inconsolable. Her father was so mad but he eventually allowed Lexy to bury Julia and give her a befitting funeral. Juliaâ€™s death could have been avoided if she was wiser. As a second wife, she shouldnâ€™t haveÂ moved in with the first woman or allow Lexy banish the woman like he did.