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Why would you date a married man? (4)

By Chioma Gabriel

I got a mail from a lady who demanded to know  the big deal about  dating a married man. According to Tosin, the married  man  is the devil you know who is better than the angel you don’t know. Tosin claimed  that on the occasions she dated married men, she did not expect commitment from them because the men knew she was dating them as breadwinners and  nothing else. ‘I kept my side of the deal, they kept theirs.’ Tosin said that even her regular boyfriend at the University knew about her aristos  and benefitted from their largesse.

“With them, my boyfriend and I lived live a  king and a queen as undergraduates. And you can hardly see a female undergraduate  who does not have an aristo because these married men park their cars in the evenings around the female hostels and they have male students who pimp for them. Sometimes, you get to be invited to a classy party where these moneybags perch  around like  flies and you get handsomely paid for sevices rendered. So, it’s  no big deal because it’s common knowledge. Only a few female students  land man -friends who eventually become their  life  partners.”
So, what’s the big deal? Why would you do it? Is it just for the  cash or  would you seek love with a married man or woman?
In this edition, Stephanie shared the story of Julia, her friend who died for her love  for a married man.

She loved him and married him and paid the price — Stephanie, 27
At the University of Lagos, Julia and I were close friends. Like some of us girls, she too played the field. But the problem with Julia was that she was emotional and whereas others were dating married men and discarding them, she was getting too emotionally involved. Her problem stemmed from the fact that she was always looking for a father figure.

Julia had a troubled childhood. Her mother had a problem with her father when Julia was very young and what she didn’t get from her father, she sought to get from other men.

She always preferred older men who would pet her or do for her what her father did not do. She wanted to be loved and be spoilt and the modern youngman who loves to play the field would not give her that love.
In our third year in the University, Julia met the man she truly loved but he was married. However, that did not deter her. Lexy looked young and cultivated but he was married and has five children from his wife.

His affair with Julia was legendary. It was open and celebrated in the campus.
It got to a stage when Lexy got her an apartment somewhere in Yaba around the University. He really took very good care of her and if Julia had listened to good advice, perhaps what happened would not have happened. She enjoyed so much attention from Lexy who was spending time with her in her apartment.

By the time we were taking our degree exams, Julia was pregnant and her man arranged for her to serve in Lagos. He planned to marry her as his second wife and that was what brought him close to her father. Lexy never knew Julia had a father because the man was estranged from Julia’s mother and because he never took care of  his daughter, he lacked the will to counsel her or reject her suitor . Lexy provided all the luxury Julia needed and the problem started when he married her.

We, Julia’s friends advised her to keep a separate apartment but she was strong-headed and felt she would not enjoy marital bliss except she lived with Lexy in the palatial mansion he built where his  first wife and children were  also living.

Obviously, Lexy’s first wife kicked against his taking a second wife and in the process, quarreled with him and was banished  to the one-story boys quarter to live with her children.

Julia moved in and occupied the main building with Lexy and as her pregnancy progressed, the other woman’s diabolical nature also increased. I remember Julia told me how the other woman (now in the boys quarter) brought  in all kinds of people into the house whenever Lexy was not around. They would do some diabolical things in the compound and on several occasions, they mentioned her name loud enough for her to hear. She said she complained to Lexy who told her to ignore the other woman, that she could only bark but not bite and because she trusted Lexy so much, she believed him and always stayed indoors whenever he was away.

Julia told me the first wife  did not stop as all kinds of strangers continued to besiege the compound and they would do things until  one Tuesday when  she walked into them as she was about to go for ante-natal. Things changed from that day. She became very afraid of  the first wife . Although she was hale and hearty the next Tuesday when  she left for the antenatal clinic, she died on the doctor’s table after she was checked and declared healthy and fit.
Her autopsy said she had a sudden rise in  blood pressure but we her friends knew there was much  more to her death than blood pressure.

The diabolical nature of the original wife who felt humiliated when she was sent to the boys quarter with her children became an open discussion. We believe Julia was killed diabolically.She died with the baby in her womb and her mother was inconsolable. Her father was so mad but he eventually allowed Lexy to bury Julia and give her a befitting funeral. Julia’s death could have been avoided if she was wiser. As a second wife, she shouldn’t have  moved in with the first woman or allow Lexy banish the woman like he did.


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