A spouse strays and a marriage many years hits the rocks. Yet a lot of marriages tagged â€˜hopelessâ€™ have been known to defy the odds when the estranged couples reunite. What makes a marriage work the second time around?
Some couple of years back, Rachael walked out on her husband of over Seventeen years taking with her the three children of the marriage.
â€œHe had an affair that resulted in a child,â€ she explained. â€œAt the time the child was born, I was completely unaware of the other woman. It was my husbandâ€™s uncle that told me arrogantly that as a â€˜seniorâ€™ wife, I had to be present at the christening. I felt insulted and humiliated. My friends advised I shouldnâ€™t do anything drastic, so I went. Where I got the serenity to go through the whole ceremony from only God knows.
â€œMy husband was profusely apologetic. The girl was intent on getting her claws into him, he accused. He was so contrite in the next few months that I finally tried to forgive his one false step since we got married. Weâ€™d been together for years that we were almost like brother and sister.
â€œSome two years after this incident. I learnt that this same girl was pregnant again for my husband. This time, I didnâ€™t bother to confront him. My company was already building accommodation premises for middle management staff and I quickly applied for a flat. As soon as I got my flat, I furnished it to my taste and waited. Just as I thought, this meddling uncle of my husband came calling again. This time, he wanted the naming ceremony to take place in my matrimonial home, the new babyâ€™s father1* house. I heartily agreed. My husband couldnâ€™t believe the enthusiasm 1 showed at getting ready for the ceremony. What he didnâ€™t know was the fact that Iâ€™d taken almost all my things and the childrenâ€™s to my new flatÂ I had no intention of humiliating myself all over again.
â€œThree days to the naming ceremony, Iâ€™d already taken my annual leave. told the kids to make a show of going to school then come straight home. 1 then took the rest of our things in the car and left.
â€œThat evening, a close friend of mine who worked in my office called, almost collapsing with laughter. She said I should see the look on my husbandâ€™s face when the personnel manager told him I was on leave. When he asked my friend where I was, she said she feigned amazement as the last time she visited, which was a few days ago, I was still living with him. He had the guts to even tell her that Iâ€™d walked away with money meant for food stuffs and ram for the naming ceremony.
â€œIt was months later that I saw him. I learnt through the grapevine that he was living alone in the house. His lover hadnâ€™t moved in with him and I felt a bit relieved at that. When he came to the flat, he looked so harassed and unhappy that I almost felt sorry for him. He pleaded with me to give our marriage a second chance and I said I would think about it. Heâ€™d gone through a lot of pains to find my new address and I was touched.
â€œI didnâ€™t see him again until several weeks after his first visit. He was in a dreadful state, drunk and crying. He said he was not concentrating on his business that his new relationship meant nothing to him. If I didnâ€™t come back he was moving into my flat immediately!
â€œThis was the husband Iâ€™d known and loved and temporarily lost. There was no decision for me. I had never stopped caring for him. I moved back to my matrimonial home and the children were glad to be back with their father.
â€œBut that wasnâ€™t the end of the story. My resentment couldnâ€™t be cemented over just life that. I found myself wanting to know every detail of their relationship, what they did, where they went, was she better in bed than me? My husband at first tried to be patient, but in the end we rowed and punched it out of our systems. But the two children are there – those are permanent reminders of unfaithfulness and it hurts. But if I want my family to be happy, I have to learn to let goâ€¦â€
Rachael husbandâ€™s case is a classic case of the ageing ego being boosted – albeit temporarily – by youth and vitality. What is less common is that the couple were able to set their marriage back on the rails. The honeymoon period of the husbandâ€™s affair was bound to wane but the bonds that tie husband and wife are less flimsy.
The coupleâ€™s story echoes that of many. The divorce rate has never been higher, yet paradoxically, divorce is rarely the answer to peopleâ€™s problems. An astonishing number of divorced women wish they had stayed with their spouse. More so when they find it difficult to find partners who can still commit to them and their children. Some end up being â€˜the other woman they so much loathed in their now dead marriage.
Affairs generally fall into two categories. One is symptomatic of a failing marriage and is used as the way out, in which case, there is little hope of a reconciliation. The other occurs during a time of stress and, if the relationship had good foundations, need not spell the end of the
ct that a marriage has survived the test of an affair and near break lough to strengthen it,â€ agree Muji, who is also a â€˜born againâ€™ wife.
tell you just how many women said they had emerged with a r, happier marriage. The best approach is to allow your man space the, let him try living with the other woman. If your relationship is it will survive. Patience is your weapon.
ling though, you have to recognize the dark side of reconciliation -at is that an affair is never forgotten. It is a blemish on your iship forever. But ironically, the fear of a repetition can strengthen jtionship. The couple may make more effort to keep it alive. Neither o go through the same agonies againâ€.
How you can eat your way to better sex!
In spite of all the enlightenment going on about meaningful sex, judging by your text messages, it isnâ€™t enough for some of you readers to achieve the pleasure you crave and sometimes it feels as if youâ€™re destined to go through your whole life without really having an orgasms. Quite a number would want to try some aphrodisiacs, but according to Marrena ry from Boston, USA, you donâ€™t need them. She believes you can jr way to a climax and have written a book revealing the secrets of asm diet. â€œI happen to have stumbled on a diet that makes women lie- often giving women the ability to have vaginal orgasms and mes even spontaneous ones. The orgasms diet, involves taking fish plements. Cufifing but carbohydrates and eating more protein. â€œBest ier recommendation to consume half an ounce of dark chocolate lay.
so advises that women do pelvic floor exercise. Mareena claimed le discovered the effect of diet on a womanâ€™s sex life by accident. as rarely able to reach orgasm when she had sex with her husband is put a huge strain on their relationship. â€œHe would roll his;fime ove? *she said,lland I canâ€™t say I blame him. After I gave birth to our
second child, I started doing pelvic floor exercise and using vaginal cones to tighten up my muscles. One night when I was driving home, I decided to practice a few of my exercise. I flexed my pelvic floor muscles and suddenly began to orgasm.
â€œOver the next few days, I tried to rosnd out what was behind my new found ability. When I first became pregnant, I took fish oil as a natural remedy for depression. I noticed that rny desire had increase since I had started taken the tablets. But when I lake a break from them I wasnâ€™t able to reach orgasm spontaneously. I also found the more I exercise my vaginal muscles, the better rny orgasm, tfy stepping up the workouts, I was able to repeat the exercise in the car when ever I wanted,â€
*â€â€ ^ So can diet really make a differentin a^ better enjoyment of sex? Research
suggests that eating good-quality dark chocolate might spice up your sex life because certain chemicals found in chocolate can stimulate the transmission of nerves impulses and increase sensation. Honey may also help because itâ€™s a rich source of the mineral boron. Studies have shown that this mineral may boost the bodyâ€™s testosterone levels. And having enough testosterone is one of the factors crucial to female sex functioning.
But fish oil is probably the most important element of Marrenaâ€™s orgasm diet.
According to nutritionist Patric Holford, fish oil is rich in Omega-3 fatty
acids, which can help to balance hormone levels. He claims that a strict
no-fat regime can cause hormonal imbalance leading to a drop in libido.