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Isn’t oral sex unhygienic?

By Bunmi Sofola
Dear Bunmi,
How on earth can oral sex be hygienic? We’re constantly reminded to wash our hands carefully, after using the toilet. Now lovers indulge in oral sex on the spur of the moment, without washing up first. How on earth can something like that be harmless? I’m in my early 20s and in love, my boyfriend hasn’t pressurized me into giving him a blow job, but if he does. I intend to say no!
Bose,
By E-mail

Dear Bose,
If oral sex is something you really hate, then don’t do it, it is simple as that. Since you haven’t tried it yet, only give it a go knowing it must be because it brings you both pleasure. Then and only then could you try washing before hand as this might help you relax. If your partner doesn’t wash up naturally, ask him to. Or, better still, you could give him a warm towel bath, as part of foreplay!

He’s too touchy-feely

Dear Bunmi,
I’ve been married to this wonderful man for close to three years and we have a daughter. The problem was that he won’t stop touching me. Wherever we are and whatever we’re doing, he has to be in contact with me all the time.  We’re now the butt of jokes with our friends. I’ve tried telling him that his constant touching me really irritates me, but he just felt very upset.
What can I do make him stop?
Evelyn
By E-mail.

Dear Evelyn,
You and your husband need to reach a compromise on this one. You can negotiate a deal where you maybe cuddled up in the sofa together each evening, but at other times of the day, he doesn’t pounce on you. In return you need to give him plenty of reassurance in other ways. He obviously thinks the fact that you don’t want much physical contact means you don’t care, so give him emotional contact: kind words, little loving gestures, texts, e-mail and you will find him more willing to accept less touching.

He wants me to touch his bum often!

Dear Bunmi,
Whenever we’re making love, my husband of eight years always asks me to stroke round his bottom’ he says it really turns him on, I’ve tried it a couple of times and this really drives him wild. The problem is, I’ve asked around and none of my friends have ever heard of a man who liked this sort of anal sex play. They thought it was peculiar to gay men, is this true and should I be worried?
Saudat
Abuja,

Dear Saudat,
It’s a fact that we all have sensitive nerves around our anus so we all have the potential to get turned on there; your husband has simply realized that. You should be pleased for he is not only being aware of what gives him sexual pleasure, but communicating it to you. Being gay isn’t about where you like to be touched -  it’s  about who you  like  to  be  touched  by you!  And you have absolutely no reason for you to be worried – if your husband gets turned on by you and you alone, then he certainly is not gay.

He has another girl’s image in his mobile

Dear Bunmi,
For a couple of years, I had a good relationship with my ex but got fed up with his philandering that I ended the affair. 1 recently ran into him at a party and discovered I still love him. He apologized for hurting me and we went back to his flat together.

We’re now back together. Recently, I scrolled through his mobile and found the image of a semi-nude pretty girl. When I showed it to him, he said she was someone he went out with when we broke up. That she meant nothing to him. I find it difficult to believe this judging by his cheating in the past.
Wura,
By e-mail

Dear Wura,
It is understandable that you feel insecure about your man if his cheating caused you to split up first time around, but if you are to make the relationship work this time, you need to leave the past behind and give him the benefit of the doubt. You have no real reason to think he’s telling you anything other than the truth, so believe him or your suspicious mind will end up ruining your relationship. He obviously didn’t lead a chaste life when you were apart, but it’s now that counts. Trust him, unless he does something to destroy that trust.


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