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Can you move into your wife’s apartment after marriage?

By Bridget Amaraegbu(bridgyfree@yahoo.com)

John’s marriage to Mary was the most talked about for months. Nothing was spared to ensure that the wedding lived
up to the society ratings of the ‘oil big boy’ as John was called by his friends.

Mary, a civil servant, was living in cloud nine as she watched in a daze, some of the city’s most prominent

•Mode 9
•Mode 9

men and women file past to pay homage to her heart throb. She wished this could go on forever. But nothing lasts forever,  goes a wise saying.

Two months after the wedding, Tony lost his oil company job and that was when the trouble that almost  ruined her marriage began.

As a senior civil servant, the ministry was kind enough to allocate to her a three- bed room apartment, which the couple moved into, a far cry from the heavily furnished duplex they shared. And, as the pressure of unemployment mounted on John, he began to spend more time outside and as things got worse, he became more aggressive.

Life became unbearably hot for Mary, and at the peak of the crisis, John moved out of the flat, saying he couldn’t take it anymore. Mary became a “forced born again”, spending all her spare time in the Church in search of peace.
God works miracles, if you believe, and this was what happened on the eve of the couple’s first marriage anniversary. John walked in three months after he vacated the home, repentant and asking for his wife’s forgiveness. The Lord it seems, had answered Mary’s prayers. John got a new job that came complete with all the trimmings, a house, car and all.

The big question is: Is it right for a man to move into an apartment owned by the wife? Bridget Amaraegbu this week has all the answers.

Good, but count me out— Mode 9, Musician

Sincerely there’s nothing wrong in that, especially if the man in question does not have the financial muscles to live up to his responsibility. In this critical period of economic crisis, it would be advisable for the man or woman to move into the apartment of the party who already has one. If you look at this issue very well, you’ll discover that it’s another way of cutting down on cost. Instead of spending money on agents and their landlords, there’s no law in this country that says the man cannot stay in his wife’s apartment. I don’t see it as any big deal?

In the same way, the woman would naturally move into the man’s house if he’s got all the resources. It’s a two- way thing. It’s either the man has more money and carries the woman along or vice versa. But personally, I’ll not want to do something like that.

Ah! This is Africa…o. Such a thing will probably work out very well in the Western part of the world. In Africa, a man is expected to be a man in all he does. Our people will always frown at such things, so I won’t do it. It’s a personal decision.

At worse, both of us can put our money together to rent an apartment. It will be difficult for me to marry a woman and then move in to live with her.
This is not to say that those African men who indulge in such acts are weak, nor am I laughing at them. But then, I don’t buy the idea for myself.

Remember that it’s also very possible for the woman to rise up tomorrow and use it against the man, women will always be women no matter how much she claims to love you.
Even if she was to be the best woman on earth, you may upset her someday and she may not even know when she’ll remind you that you’re putting up in her house.
Another problem that man will have to face will come from his friends. If he’s my friend, I’ll not mock him about it but most of his friends will definitely abuse him for that. Some will go as far as calling him woman wrapper. And before you know it, he’ll begin to lose his ego.
At last, he too will not be happy with himself. It’s even possible for him to plan leaving the home for the woman when he feels he can’t take it anymore.

This whole calamity is worse when the man in question does not earn much. If he’s wealthy, he wouldn’t mind buying the house from his wife and even if he doesn’t, people will not see anything wrong with the idea.

For the man who decides to go and leave in his wife’s apartment, he should equally be prepared for all this wahala.
If you ask me to advise my friend, brother or sister on this issue, I’ll not stop them from doing what they think is right for them. If my brother thinks it’s right for him to go and live in his wife’s apartment, I’ll let him do it. You know what? People do not really like the truth. So, I’ll encourage them to go ahead with their plans.
And if I have a sister who thinks it’s right for her husband to come and live in her house, I’ll also encourage her to go ahead so that in future, they can’t say I denied them anything.

Don’t tell me that I’m not a good friend…oo because e no good to put mouth for husband and wife matter. I don talk my own finish

It’s okay but — Kalu Ikeagwu, Actor

There’s nothing wrong with it for  those who can do it. The most important thing is that the parties involved have a mutual agreement. After all, you and I know that husband and wife share responsibilities in most cases, especially when both of them earn good salaries. So it doesn’t matter who moves into whose home.
But I’‘ll prefer my woman to move into my own apartment not because it’s wrong. It’s just a personal opinion.

It will bring disrespect —  Pascal Izuchukwu, Lab analyst

I’ll never think about it because women have a way of using anything they do for a man against him in the long run. Here in Africa, a man is expected to be the head of the home but when he moves into the woman’s apartment, it simply means that the woman is now in charge of the affair.
Some women will even go as far as using abusive words at you when there’s any misunderstanding. God has made it that the woman is a helpmate and not the sole provider of the home.

Society will frown at it— Tope Oladimeji, Make up artist

I don’t think it’s a bad idea. But in this country of ours, society will frown at it. Some people will begin to feel that I’m forcing him to marry me. Others may think he doesn’t have the money to cater for his home and I want to influence him with my wealth.
It will be better for me to give him money to rent a new house and everybody will see that he’s the person spending the cash and not me.

It will amaze you to know that most times, those things people say about us have a way of turning around to become a reality. So, don’t give people that space of wagging their tongues on you.

What God has joined together… —  Yinka Davies, Musician

Have they not become one? Did the Bible not instruct us never to be intruders? For God’s sake, if the man and woman have been joined together in matrimony, then I don’t see the need for any gossip about whether the man is moving into the woman’s house or the woman is moving into the man’s house.

I think what really matters is that we take time to know who we are getting married to, after which if you think both of you are compatible, then ask for God’s favour, simple!
We really need to have a change of heart in this part of the world because our mind set is so polluted that we frown at everything, even those that should not bother us. As for me, there’s nothing wrong with the society but everything is wrong with the people therein. So, we need to correct our mind set.

No big deal —  Adeola Ajayi, Actress

I don’t think there’s anything wrong  with  that at all, it’s just a society thing. I can allow my man move in with me after wedding if there’s mutual understanding between us. There’s no big deal about whether the guy’s moving into my apartment or I moving into his own.
My ex- boyfriend’s mother had stayed with me in my family house and I never saw it as a difficult tax. No, big deal.

I won’t let that happen— Carol Tacha, Fashion designer

I’ll not allow such a thing to happen to me-o! And do you know why? People will think I’m the man of the house and even the man may one day use it against me some day.
If you know how most men feel when they are not capable of taking care of their families financially, then you’ll not try something like this. Men always feel inferior about every little thing, especially when their women are more financially buoyant.
One day, he might get irritated and walk out of the marriage and that may mark the end of the marriage. And when this happens, what will I do then?


Disclaimer

Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.