By Yetunde Arebi
Hi, Sometime ago, we discussed the issue of safe sex practices. Some of the many questions we asked our respondents was whose responsibility it is to ensure safe sex, the man or the woman? Another was, what methods they adopt in ensuring safe sax?
The place of condoms; multiple sex partners, polygamy and even cultural practices in ensuring safe sex, the level of awareness among Nigerian about the HIV/AIDS pandemic and other sexually transmitted diseases, among others. Several Nigerians expressed shock and dismay at the kind of responses some of our respondents gave. Today, we are bringing you some of the responses we received on the topic.
Feel free to add your voice to the discourse. Our address remains: The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos, or, e-mail humananglepage@yahoo.com Cheers!
Personal hygiene is very important to some men. The flash of dirty underwear can be all it takes to permanently douse a man’s fire.
May I submit finally, that the impression men perceive from women is that sex is evil and should not be discussed. Women should therefore, in the spirit of affirmative action, prove to us that they are flesh and blood. Spirituality without physical chemistry is pure deceit.
It is not a sin to have a spirit-filled woman who would also appeal to a man’s sexual sensibilities. Some religious men are often the culprits here, who in a bid to grandstand so sanctimoniously end up with broken homes or at best, live unhappily ever-after.
Thank you for having me.
Okey Ernest Opara
ernieopara@yahoo.com
Dear Yetunde,
My heart bleeds when I read of the plausibility of little knowledge or hopefully not, the illusion of it that plaques health issues in Nigeria and my fear is that they may never end. The problem with terminologies is that once they are interpreted wrongly, then the risk of getting the whole concept misconstrued, the results are dire to say the least and already this is happening in a lot of African communities whose health seeking behaviour is generally poor.
Safe sex only refers to sexual practices that limit the risk of transmitting or acquiring an infectious disease via exchanges of semen, blood, and other bodily fluids, e.g., use of a condom, mutual masturbation, and avoidance of anal intercourse.
Their origin stems from preventative actions in gay communities in the early years of the epidemic and later became an effective prevention strategy that results in behavioural modifications which has reduced ‘generalised epidemics’. Again, generalised epidemics refer to HIV burden on groups such as gay men, youths, and women.
The reasons we seem to be failing in our efforts to reduce new HIV infections is ‘hydra- headed’ and at most times the easy way out is to ascribe a reason to it. But unfortunately, this only creates a backlash evidenced by a growing epidemic.
Current statistics will always give political expedient figures as a justification of huge resources expended on this epidemic in the country which is well above half a billion dollars from 2003.
I do believe that one measure of how successful our prevention programs have been is in fact the kind of comments which you have received, which to me mean that HIV communication to communities in Nigeria will certainly need strengthening.
Delivery of health promotion training in Nigeria has largely been group based as you mentioned, but individual and community training need to be increased.
Perhaps one reason for this may be because our University specialists are used to a stereotypical method of delivery which lies close to their original job description and unfortunately ‘we’ think that is the right tactic. Clearly, as in many situations we are in the ‘process’ and we will get there someday, the usual cynicism in modern day Nigeria.
There are many Nigerians who practice safe sex but I guess the challenge is the behavioural modification to using ‘garjets’ like condoms has been a subject of controversy. Employing abstinence may be religiously expedient but of course is largely impossible with human nature at every point in time no matter how ‘spirit-filled’ anyone may be.
Rev. Mathew Coker once answered that just “because he is a priest does not mean he somehow has overrided his limbic system” in an interview with Charles Oputa’s zoomtime and I think we as a people need not be afraid of sex, but change the way we appreciate sex for our collective good.
Pupils in our schools should be taught extensively about relationships, allowed to express themselves and then be corrected by parents who have good parenting skills and not leave that skill to an ‘anointing’ by biological rights. I guess this too may be controversial with questions like “why do you want to corrupt our children?” An assumption that it is only this method corrupt practice is translated to the younger generation. A deadly phenomenon created in Africa’s geriatocratic societies that would rather enjoy at the expense of their young.
I am certain that when a church demands for biomedical records prior to marriage, then that church has diverted from its primary responsibility.
The question is: would the church offer treatment or care in any form to the couple if the test comes out positive? or would the church ask for other STI’s other than HIV as a measure to protect the proposed bride from a wayward husband?
The answer is, the church would rather propagate stigma and discrimination, creating and sustaining the dimension in this epidemic that is the most difficult tackling over the last 25years.
Again, I guess a knowledge gap has contributed to the debate about condom effectiveness in HIV Protection. The fact is that consistent and correct use of condom gives 80-85% protection against HIV as compared to 98% reliability.
This seeming dichotomy has cast doubt in the prevention intervention and reinforced a suspicion that health professionals use the epidemic as a money making venture.
Not withstanding, I am unaware of an ideal prevention method or maybe again, we have failed to explain to Nigerians that efficacy differs from effectiveness.
Our failures (Public health) have meant that great challenges await the future in the wake of poor health financing across the three tiers of government. A perennial problem compounded by the misunderstanding of the definition of health especially as when we hear that word, we think it means hospital, doctors, nurses and pharmacist as though that is its meaning.
LOL, Phil is grandstanding which is usual with most Nigerians. No contributor had advocated for extra-marital indulgence. At best what I see here is that contributors are relating to the question based on who they are and their convictions. It is better for you to make your point and move on. I merely responded to the contributors’ comments on the day I read it about some four months ago, not on the question directly.
I would listen if you try to persuade me to incline to a superior argument based on wisdom, experience and faith. A dead man killed by HIV/Aids ceases to enjoy sex. So, would it not be to your advantage to heed the advice to abstain? To those who would not abstain, is there no preventive measures no matter how fallible they may be? There are virgins out there who have contacted various forms of sexually transmitted diseases. There are innocent people out there who have been infected with HIV/Aids through means other than sexual.
For the avoidance of doubt, my position is: if unmarried abstain, if married, stick to your partner. This advice has nothing more to do with religion than it is with tradition. We don’t have to invoke religion to do the right things. Doing right in any society should be taken for granted even though there are nonconformists. I have a problem with people who would always invoke religion in order to be believed. If you have credibility your word is enough evidence for you to be believed.
my own its that is there realy what is called safe sex as we say because idont agree that there is an act of safe sex because as a microbiologist ibelieve strong in this.people should get it right because nothing on earth is safe if not God.so the world we live is unsafe so therefore the things in it.however,we should call for something less than safe not perfect.anyway its time we talk about sex management than safe sex.i suppose its better.then in this theme i can say the religous body whether church or mosque should first start the education of this theme then schools,trading places and public/private offices.here all about theme should be discussed without reservations of any kind because the act those not reserve its proceedings.with this everyone young old wil know what to do and what not to do.But when not discussed openly life will continue to be in shades on this SEX ISSUE.its a gift God gave to us for reproducing. so should be managed not abused.because human resources including animals should be be managed by one anothet so should be sex rather than safed.thanks chidun Uniben
Safe sex: who is responsible?
Reading through the introduction and what the two contributors. It is done on me that most people terms “Safe Sex” is indulged in protective sex mainly through the been faithful to one’s partner or the use of condom thus refers to as ABC of HIV/AIDS.
The first contributor talks of his sexual life as observing the “B” been faithful and his not observing “C” because of shyness in purchasing of condom (as unmarried). But has he ever considered his action of sexuality as unmarried religiously? This is how youths were seduced into fornication and adultery in the name of safe sex, because most people see it as normal and were influenced as such.
As for the second contributor made a very good presentation of facts statistically which all readers can ponder upon. In his contribution, it was found that sex before marriage leads to depression.
This is because two there is no two difference sexual acts (with two difference person) that generates same experience. The call enjoyment are all varies from one another. Another point is that, whenever the mind goes back to each urge incidence the guilt of mind sets in. Most cases, when eventually married and not getting the usually sexual satisfaction depression sets in and if care is not taken a revisit to the past is likely. Not all those who practice the so call “safe Sex” before marriage always ends up marrying each other, therefore you’ll become furious at the presence of your ex especially for the women who end up felling the “used and dump” syndrome.
Another point he drawn was television programme that contains safe sex where it watchers are more likely to practice sex before marriage as normal more so, that Condom does not really protects one from STI/STD. Researches had found out that condom do not 100% protect one from these scourge of STD/HIV because if may fail due to some certain reasons e.g. it misused or expired. It should be known that it take a lot o self discipline to be observing the use of condom for every sexual intercourse whereby abstinence required more less discipline to be actualised.
My advice to the youth and those who indulge in sex before marriage is that they should know that it is a major sin. Both in the Bible where it was said that “thou shall not commit adultery” in Exodus 20:14, Leviticus etc and even in the New testament where it was reported that Jesus said Moses said onto you ye shall not commit adultery, But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his hear” Mat 5:27-28.
The Quran states that “say (O! Muhammad) The thisng my Lord has indeed forbidden are al-Fawahish (great evil sins, every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse, etc) be it openly or secretly…” Quran 7:33, “…and do not draw near al-Fawahish (great evil sins, every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse, etc) be it openly or secretly…”Quran 6:151 and “Do not draw near Zina (fornication and adultery) for it is an indecent act and it ways is evil Quran 17:32. and various hadith reported the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) stating the benefits of sex within marriage such as “if one of you had intercourse with his wives it is counted as charity (will be rewarded) for him (and her), thereupon someone inquire that will they be rewarded for doing what they like doing (sex). The Prophet then said wouldn’t they be punished if they do it illegally (committing fornication or adultery)…” and he states it evil of fornication and adultery in both physical and spiritual point of view – Physical – carrying out the prescribed punishment on the culprits (100 lashes for unmarried and stoning to death of married offenders), it bring about various forms of incurable infectious diseases such as HIV/AIDS, and other STD which rendered some people sterile, spiritual – one single act ruin once sincere act of ibadat (act of worship) worth of 30 years or 70 years.
Safe sex: the ball is in the doer court. If one like he/she should takes to the right guidance of the Almighty the creator Allah or he/she takes to evil deception of the Devil aimed at ruin once life in this world and hereafter. Certainly Allah have not put any (real) enjoyment in evils. He who found enjoyment or pleasure in what Allah has not placed enjoyment therein is sick in his/her heart.
All the preventive measures mentioned in the above write-up cannot offer 100% safety to anybody intending to indulge in safe sex, the only measure i can reccomend for anybody that is clamoring for a safe sex is to stick to ones spouse when married and practise abstinence if you are unmarried.
I know that alot of people would think that i am not part of this world by suggesting abstinence to the unmarried, but believe it or not it is possible all you need is a little bit of determination that’s all.
Oops…forgot to say great post! Looking forward to your next one.
Thanks to Phil for you response. I totally agree with you that the best and only safe sex is commitment to one spouse for the married and abstinence to the unmarried.
Many will disagree with this view and of cause they will pay dearly, some with their lives for disagreeing with our maker who gave us above injunctions as a guide for our good.
All the preventive measures mentioned in the above write-up cannot offer 100% safety to anybody intending to indulge in safe sex, the only measure i can reccomend for anybody that is clamoring for a safe sex is to stick to ones spouse when married and practise abstinence if you are unmarried.
I know that alot of people would think that i am not part of this world by suggesting abstinence to the unmarried, but believe it or not it is possible all you need is a little bit of determination that’s all.